I don’t even know where to start. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been obsessed with proving myself. I try to make my life look perfect, like a highlight reel that everyone can be impressed by, but deep down, it feels hollow.
It started small—wanting the best grades, the fastest promotions, and that shiny, expensive car that makes people say, Wow, you’ve made it. But now, it’s almost like I’m trapped. It’s exhausting. Every time I achieve something, I get this brief high. People notice. Compliments roll in. But then, the feeling fades, and I’m back to square one, chasing after the next thing that’ll give me that boost again.
The worst part is that I know this isn’t who I really am, but I can’t seem to stop. It’s like I need other people to validate my worth. I’m always striving to be the person people talk about, the one who’s “got it all,” but no matter what I do, it’s never enough. There’s always something more to achieve, to buy, to flaunt.
My relationships are starting to suffer. My friends and family see it. They’ve even started to comment on how disconnected I’ve become. I’ve stopped sharing real moments with them because I’m too focused on what’s next—on being seen a certain way. And I’m scared, honestly. I’m scared that if I stop, if I just be for a moment, people will realize I’m not that impressive after all. Maybe they won’t care. Maybe they’ll leave.
How do I get off this ride? How do I stop living for the applause and start living for myself?
First off, I want you to take a deep breath. What you’re feeling right now—the exhaustion, the weight of constantly trying to measure up, the emptiness even after a win—it’s heavy, but it’s also something so many people carry. The need to impress, to be seen, to be enough in the eyes of others—that’s a hole that can never be filled. The good news? There’s a way out, but it’s going to take some hard, honest work.
Here’s the thing: the chase for validation through achievements and possessions—it’s a losing game. You’re running a race where the finish line keeps moving. No matter how many milestones you hit, how much money you make, or how shiny the new car is, it’ll never give you the thing you’re really craving: peace. And I’m guessing that deep down, you already know this.
You’ve built your worth around what others think, and now it’s controlling your life. You’re not alone in this struggle, but you are the only one who can decide to stop playing by those rules. You said it yourself—“it feels hollow.” That’s your gut screaming at you to wake up. And I want you to listen to that voice because it’s telling you the truth. What’s really going on here is you’re afraid that if you stop achieving, stop being the person with all the accolades and the flash, then people won’t see you. You’ll be invisible.
Here’s what I need you to hear, though, and it’s not going to be easy: The people who really love you, the people who matter in your life—they couldn’t care less about your achievements or the stuff you own. They care about you. And the more time you spend putting on this show, the more you’re robbing them of the real connection they’re desperate for. You’re robbing yourself of those connections too.
So, what do you do now? How do you stop?
First, you’ve got to ask yourself the hard question: Who am I when I’m not performing? What does it look like to just be you without the job title, the money, the status, the flash? And I know this is terrifying—because what if people don’t like what they see? But that’s a lie your fear is feeding you. The people who care about you want the real you, even if that version isn’t as shiny or polished.
Second, start practicing gratitude for what you already have—your real life, your relationships, your health. When you focus on gratitude, you stop chasing what’s next and start appreciating what’s right in front of you.
Finally, I want you to lean into those relationships that feel authentic. Call up a friend or family member, someone you trust, and have a real conversation. Let them in. Let them see you—the messy, imperfect, human you. It’s in those moments that you’ll start to feel the weight lift.
It’s time to stop running yourself into the ground for the sake of applause that will never be loud enough. The people who matter are already clapping. You’ve just been too busy to hear it.
You’ve got this. Take one small step today, and let that be enough.