My boyfriend (28M) and I (24F) have been together for a year and a half. Lately, I’ve brought up marriage and the future because he’s hinted at it himself—talking about kids, bridesmaids, and groomsmen.
We’ve agreed that marriage and buying a home are important to us, but when I asked again recently, he said I’m pressuring him. He mentioned he has commitment issues and isn’t sure when he’ll be ready.
I don’t want to rush things, but I’ve made it clear I wouldn’t want to wait seven years to get married and have kids, especially since women in my family have had childbirth complications after 30. He responded by saying he can’t be rushed and referenced his parents’ near-divorce, implying he might still not be ready after 5 or 7 years.
Now I’m feeling unloved and unsure if he even wants a future with me. He’s made comments about my appearance in the past, which makes me wonder if he’s staying with me out of convenience or if he’s waiting for someone else who fits his “type.”
I don’t want to get engaged or have kids right now—I just don’t want to feel like a placeholder for years. Should I wait and see if things change, or has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did it turn out?
Here’s the thing—you and your boyfriend are on different pages, and that’s not something to ignore. The timelines you both want? They don’t match. He’s telling you he needs more time—maybe 7 years, maybe more. That’s not fair to you. I get it if someone says, “I don’t want to get married, ever.” At least that’s clear. But “I need 7 years to decide”? That’s not clarity. That’s stalling.
The truth is, he’s keeping you around as a placeholder. He’s saying he has commitment issues, and he’s making comments about your body that aren’t okay. You shouldn’t have to change yourself to fit into someone else’s idea of what’s attractive. If he can’t love you for who you are right now, that’s a huge red flag. He’s trying to manipulate you into becoming someone else—someone who fits his “ideal.” And that’s not love.
You’ve got to believe him when he says he’s not sure and has commitment issues. Because if you don’t, you’ll find yourself 5 years from now, still waiting, still hoping for him to figure out if he’s ready. And that’s not fair to you. You deserve someone who’s excited to marry you, who wants the same things you do, and who loves you for exactly who you are—right now, without conditions.
So here’s my advice: cut your losses and move on. He’s leading you on, and if you keep waiting for him to change, you’re just going to get more hurt. Find someone who’s on the same page as you, who values you, and who doesn’t make you feel like you have to be anything other than who you are. You deserve that kind of love.