I (23M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (23F) for almost two months, and we’ve been official for about a month. On paper, she checks all my boxes, but I’m realizing she’s very clingy and insecure, which is already exhausting me.
She agrees with everything I say and has no opinions of her own. She used to have a busy schedule with friends and family, but now she only wants to hang out with me and even says I’m her favorite person. She constantly apologizes and panics over small things, like asking me repeatedly if I like a drink she suggested or if she’s crushing me while cuddling. She gets anxious if I don’t text back quickly, and worries I’ll break up with her if I’m busy.
I liked her a lot at first, but her clinginess is turning me off. I’ve tried reassuring her, but nothing changes. My family says I’m crazy for thinking about breaking up with such a good girl, but I don’t know if I can handle this anymore. I’m also scared to break up because she’s so attached to me. What should I do?
You’re in a tough spot, and I get it. You’ve got this sweet, kind girl who on paper seems perfect, but you’re feeling drained. And I’m going to tell you straight: you’re not a bad guy for feeling like this is too much. What you’re describing isn’t a healthy relationship, and it’s not your job to carry her insecurities or make her feel whole.
Here’s the deal—relationships should lift you up, not weigh you down. And it sounds like you’re already feeling exhausted just two months in. Her clinginess and anxiety aren’t things you can “fix” with more reassurance or by trying to be the perfect boyfriend. That’s an internal struggle she needs to deal with, ideally with the help of a counselor or therapist. And I’m not saying that to judge her, but she needs to work on finding her own stability and security, outside of the relationship.
You can’t be her emotional crutch, and it’s not fair to you or her for this to keep going like it is. I know you’re worried about breaking up with her because she’s so attached, but here’s the reality: staying in a relationship out of fear or guilt isn’t love. It’s control, and not in a healthy way. You have to be honest with yourself—are you happy? If the answer is no, you owe it to yourself and her to be upfront about that.
Yes, it’s going to hurt her, but staying with someone because you don’t want to hurt their feelings isn’t doing either of you any favors. You’re delaying the inevitable and making the situation even harder down the road. She’s got to learn how to stand on her own two feet, and you’ve got to be with someone who makes you feel energized and supported—not suffocated.
It’s okay to say this relationship isn’t working for you. And it’s okay to want more from a partner than what you’re getting right now. You deserve to feel valued and comfortable, just as much as she does. Be kind, but be honest with her—and most importantly, with yourself.