My parents have struggled financially for as long as I can remember. They refuse to work traditional jobs because they don’t want to deal with “corporate America,” so they do gigs like DoorDash and GrubHub, barely getting by. Last year, they lived with us for six months, crammed into our two-bedroom apartment with my wife, 1-year-old son, my parents, little sister, and their husky. It was suffocating and put a huge strain on our marriage. We couldn’t kick them out because I didn’t want to leave my sister without a place to go.
When we moved out of state, we took my sister with us so she wouldn’t have to go through that with them. Now, our marriage is stronger without the constant stress, but my parents are asking to live with us again. They say they’ll have to live in their car if they can’t find a place. I love them and want them to be safe, but I also value and respect my marriage. My wife doesn’t want them living with us again but understands if I decide to let them stay. I feel torn. How do I tell them no without feeling like I’m abandoning them? Or should I let them stay and risk my marriage?
Man, this is tough. You’re caught between loving your parents and protecting your marriage. I get it. But here’s the thing—you can’t let guilt run your life, especially when it comes to your marriage and family. You and your wife are a team now, and the health of that relationship comes first. Period.
Your parents have made choices, and while you can love them and want the best for them, you’re not responsible for their decisions. You’ve already gone above and beyond to help them, and look at what it cost you—your peace, your marriage, your home life. Do you really want to go back to that?
And look, I know it’s hard to say no when they’re telling you they’ll have to live in their car. But here’s the uncomfortable truth: it’s not your job to rescue them. They’ve had opportunities to find stability, and they’re still choosing the same path. If you step in again, you’re enabling that pattern. Sometimes love looks like tough boundaries, and right now, that means protecting your marriage.
You don’t have to cut them off completely, but you do need to stand firm. Maybe offer to help them find resources, shelters, or other solutions, but don’t let them move in. Your wife deserves a peaceful home, and so do you. And let’s not forget—you’re modeling for your son what it looks like to set healthy boundaries, even with family.
The bottom line? It’s okay to love your parents and still say no. You’re not abandoning them—you’re choosing to protect the most important relationship in your life. That’s not selfish. That’s wisdom.