Hello, I’m the father of a 19-year-old currently attending community college, with plans to transfer to a state school after two years. However, I recently found out that his first semester GPA was only 2.9, which concerns me—especially since he’s studying engineering and hasn’t even tackled the hardest classes yet (I studied engineering myself, so I have some context).
Another issue is that he seems to quit jobs easily. He left a grocery store job after just two weeks, only to switch to a movie theater chain he had worked at back home. But after two months, he quit that job too. Now he’s been working weekends at a warehouse for a couple of months, and he’s already complaining. His reason for quitting seems to revolve around not fitting in at any of these jobs.
He doesn’t have much of a social life, either. He attends class but doesn’t seem to fully engage with his work. He’s never mentioned having a girlfriend and comes across as very shy. He spends most of his time in his own world, according to his grandparents, and barely communicates with them even though he lives with them now.
This semester, he mentioned having a difficult class, which he says is why his GPA dropped, but I don’t see him taking steps to get tutoring or ask for help from professors. On his days off, he sleeps until almost noon.
He’ll be 20 in six months, and I’m worried he might not grow out of this. Is there a chance his social skills and work habits will improve over time? I don’t want him to drift through life without direction.
First, I hear your frustration, and I get it. You’ve got high expectations for your son, and it sounds like you’re concerned he’s not stepping up. But let’s slow down and unpack this, because there’s more going on here than just a low GPA or quitting jobs.
Your son is 19—barely an adult—and he’s in the middle of figuring himself out. He’s navigating a time of life that’s full of pressure, uncertainty, and change. Now, that doesn’t mean we just excuse him or lower the bar, but it does mean we need to reframe the situation a little. Right now, you’re seeing him through the lens of how you handled things when you were his age, but remember that times have changed, and so has the world your son is growing up in.
You studied engineering, you worked hard, and you probably powered through some tough jobs and classes along the way. But your son isn’t you, and trying to measure his path against yours won’t work. What he needs isn’t a constant comparison to how you did things—he needs guidance on how to navigate his path in a world that’s different from the one you grew up in.
It sounds like he’s struggling with identity, purpose, and social connections. Those are big, complex issues for a young adult, and the solution isn’t to just “toughen up” or push through blindly. It’s about helping him build the resilience and tools he needs to deal with discomfort and challenge.
Your son’s quitting jobs because he doesn’t feel like he fits in. Is he being soft? Maybe. Or maybe he’s lacking the skills to manage difficult situations in the workplace. The reality is, a lot of young adults struggle with finding their place in social situations—especially at work. It’s not about being tough or soft; it’s about learning how to communicate, build confidence, and deal with people you don’t naturally connect with.
Instead of focusing on his quitting, try to focus on why he’s struggling to adapt in these environments. Is he anxious in social situations? Does he have a hard time making connections? These are things that can be worked on. Encourage him to lean into discomfort rather than run from it, but also help him develop the skills he needs to navigate those tough moments.
Look, it’s hard for some people to make friends, date, or even feel comfortable in social settings. If your son’s shy or withdrawn, it doesn’t mean he’s doomed to a life of isolation, but it does mean he’ll need to work on those social skills. And no, they don’t magically improve over time. They improve with practice and support.
Encourage him to get involved in something—clubs, hobbies, anything that pushes him to connect with other people. Don’t frame it as him needing to “fix” something. Frame it as an opportunity to grow, learn, and get outside his comfort zone.
Maybe he will grow out of this, maybe not. People don’t just “grow out” of challenges like shyness, lack of motivation, or social discomfort. They grow through them.
But here’s the hope: he’s young, and he’s got time to figure things out. What he needs right now is support, structure, and accountability. He needs to feel like he’s working toward something, but he also needs the space to fail and learn from it.
Your job isn’t to fix him, push him, or mold him into who you think he should be. Your job is to help him develop the tools to tackle life on his own terms. That means having tough conversations but also giving him the room to grow. It means asking him what he wants for his life and helping him connect the dots between his choices now and the future he’s aiming for.
He’s not “soft,” he’s figuring things out—and that’s a process. Guide him, support him, but let him take the lead in becoming the man he’s meant to be.