My wife of 4 years suddenly does not want kids.. I feel devastated. I can’t tell my family or friends because I don’t want them to judge her.. I feel so alone and depressed. I love her and I know I can’t leave her but how do I get back to my ild happy self? I feel so lost.
Hey man, I’m going to be real with you—this is one of those moments where the gravity of the situation can’t be ignored. Your wife has every right to change her mind about having kids, just like you have every right to feel devastated and question whether you can stay in the relationship.
But here’s the bottom line: when it comes to something as big as having children, there really isn’t a middle ground. You can compromise on a lot of things in a marriage—where to live, what careers to pursue, how to handle money—but you can’t compromise on having kids. Either you do, or you don’t. One of you is going to have to give up something enormous, and that kind of concession doesn’t just fade away. It lingers, it festers, and it can erode your relationship from the inside out.
If you stay with her, knowing she doesn’t want kids, and you’re still holding onto that dream of fatherhood, that resentment is going to build. Every time you see families with kids, every holiday, every milestone, you’ll feel that sting. And whether you mean to or not, that frustration is going to seep into your relationship. You’ll find yourself feeling angry, maybe even bitter, because you sacrificed something that was central to your life vision.
And let’s not sugarcoat it—she’ll feel it too. Even if you try to swallow your feelings for the sake of the relationship, that kind of unspoken resentment creates distance, tension, and eventually, disconnection. You might tell yourself you’ll get over it, but deep down, you know this is a big deal. This is your future we’re talking about. This is the family you’ve always envisioned.
There’s no easy way to handle this situation. Staying with someone who doesn’t share the same vision for such a massive part of life will only lead to frustration, anger, and—let’s be real—probably a divorce down the road. You might be thinking, “I love her. I can’t just walk away.” But love alone isn’t enough when the foundation of your future is cracked. The longer you stay, the harder it’s going to be when you eventually realize this isn’t something either of you can get past.
Leaving will be one of the hardest decisions you’ll ever make, but it’s also one of the most honest. Walking away doesn’t mean you don’t love her. It means you’re choosing to honor the vision you have for your life. And in a way, it’s also honoring her, because staying in a relationship where this kind of fundamental difference exists will only lead to deeper pain for both of you.
I know you feel lost right now. But you owe it to yourself—and to her—to face this head-on. You deserve a future where you don’t have to choose between love and your life’s dreams.