My boyfriend (24M) and I (24F) have been together for just over 6 years now, since we were 18. We’ve recently made some pretty big moves towards our future, like putting a deposit down on a house and getting promoted in our careers.
At this point, we practically act like a married couple—just without the titles. We share finances, go on family holidays together, and our families love each other. But despite all this, I’m starting to get sick of him tiptoeing around the idea of proposing and getting married.
A bit of background: while I was away at university, we talked about a proposal. He told me he would propose once I finished school. That was two years ago. Since then, he’s promised me multiple times that a proposal was coming. But now, two years later, it still hasn’t happened.
I’ve gotten to the point where I’m telling him I don’t care how the proposal is done. I just want to be engaged and planning a wedding within the next year or so. He always tells me how much he wants to marry me and create a future together where we have our own little family, but whenever I ask what’s stopping him, his answer is always the same: “I don’t know.”
I used to think the nerves around proposing were about not knowing how the other person would react, but I’m practically begging him at this point.
Because of all this, I’ve given him an ultimatum: either he proposes by the end of the year, or I’m breaking up with him.
Wow, this is a tough spot to be in. You’ve been together for six years, built a life together, put down roots, and you’ve even taken big steps toward your future, like buying a house and moving up in your careers. It makes perfect sense that you’re feeling frustrated and confused about why he’s dragging his feet on the proposal, especially since he’s been promising it for two years. You’re asking for something that feels natural at this point, and yet you’re left wondering what’s holding him back.
Let’s break this down.
First off, I hear you. You’re not asking for some wild, over-the-top proposal—just clarity about the future you’ve both talked about. You’ve been patient, supportive, and understanding. And now, you’re hitting a wall where you feel like you’re practically begging for the next step. That’s exhausting, and honestly, it’s unfair to you.
Here’s where things get tricky: an ultimatum. When you put an ultimatum on the table—“propose by the end of the year or we break up”—it can come across like you’re trying to force his hand. And here’s the truth: marriage is a choice that should come from a place of excitement and desire, not pressure or fear. You don’t want a ring that was given just to avoid breaking up. You want a partner who’s fully in, someone who’s just as ready and eager to step into that next chapter of life as you are.
But I get it. You’ve waited. You’ve talked about it. And now it feels like you’re left in limbo, questioning whether you’re wasting your time. That’s a valid feeling. You deserve to know whether he’s truly committed to this future or if he’s stalling for reasons he can’t even explain.
Now, about his response—“I don’t know.” Let me be real with you: that answer is a cop-out. When someone says they don’t know what’s holding them back, they’re avoiding the deeper issue. It’s not about the proposal itself, it’s about why he’s hesitating. Maybe it’s fear of change, maybe it’s financial anxiety, maybe it’s something else entirely—but until he gets honest with himself and with you about what’s really going on, you’re both stuck in this frustrating cycle.
So, what do you do from here? Before you fully commit to the ultimatum, I’d encourage one last heart-to-heart. Sit down with him and ask him to really dig into what’s going on. Not the surface-level “I don’t know,” but the deeper stuff. What’s he afraid of? What’s holding him back? Does he feel pressure to deliver some “perfect” proposal? Is he overwhelmed by the idea of marriage? Or is there something else—something he hasn’t been able to put into words yet?
And here’s the key: you have to be ready for whatever answer he gives. It might be messy, and it might not be what you want to hear. But it’s better to know the truth now than to spend another year (or more) waiting around in uncertainty.
If he’s truly committed to marrying you, to building that future, he’ll step up. But if he’s not ready—or worse, if he’s never going to be—then you owe it to yourself to take a hard look at whether this is the life you want. Marriage isn’t just a piece of paper or a ring—it’s a declaration that you’re both choosing each other, fully and wholeheartedly, for the long haul. And if he’s not ready to make that choice, you have some hard decisions to make.
You deserve clarity, not confusion. You deserve someone who’s ready to build the life you both keep talking about. If he’s that person, he’ll show up. If he’s not, you deserve the chance to find someone who will.