So I guess I want to rebuild our once perfect relationship. I am hurt and confused at the moment. I just made a financial commitment last month and bought a house with him.
I do love him, not as much as before, but enough to make it work.
He cheated with his ex and then again with someone else 10 months later – how do I move on from the images in my head, and rebuild our relationship ? He’s going to therapy and getting help, can people really stop cheating if they have a habit of it from even previous relationships?
First off, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Being cheated on is an emotional gut punch, and it’s completely normal to feel hurt, confused, and overwhelmed by everything. You’re trying to figure out if there’s a way forward, and that’s not an easy question to answer.
Let’s start with the tough part: rebuilding trust after cheating is hard—really hard. It’s not impossible, but it’s going to take a lot of work from both of you. You mentioned that he’s cheated more than once, not just in your relationship but in previous ones, too. That’s important because it shows a pattern of behavior. Can people change? Yes, they can. But they have to genuinely want to, and more importantly, they have to put in the consistent effort to prove it. That’s not going to happen overnight, and it’s not guaranteed.
The fact that he’s in therapy and getting help is a positive sign, but therapy is just one piece of the puzzle. Rebuilding trust is going to require him showing, through his actions every single day, that he’s committed to change. And it’s going to take time. You can’t rush it, and you’re going to have to be honest with yourself about what you need to feel safe in this relationship again.
But here’s the thing—you can’t ignore the impact this has had on you. Those images in your head? The constant doubt? That’s trauma, and it’s valid. It’s not something you can just push aside because you want things to be “like they were.” The relationship has fundamentally changed, and part of moving forward is accepting that reality. It’s okay to grieve what you thought you had, even if you’re trying to rebuild something new.
Ask yourself this: Do you really want to rebuild, or do you feel like you have to because you just bought a house or because you’ve invested so much time? Staying because of obligation or fear of starting over isn’t a good enough reason. You deserve a relationship where you feel loved, respected, and secure—without those images haunting you.
If you’re going to try to move forward, there has to be a clear plan. What boundaries need to be set? What’s his role in rebuilding trust? What happens if he slips up again? These are questions you’ll need to answer together, but also ones you need to reflect on for yourself. It’s not about controlling him, but about protecting your emotional well-being.
At the end of the day, only you can decide if it’s worth it. People can change, but they have to want to, and they have to do the hard work to prove it. Make sure you’re looking out for yourself in this process—you’re worthy of love and trust, and you shouldn’t settle for anything less than that.