We’ve been dating for about 6 months. She told me a few days ago that she will be going on a trip with her single male friend who is in another state. She has been friends with him for about 3-4 years. She states they have no interest in each other and I shouldn’t be paranoid.
I’m not comfortable with her going and she told me to stop being insecure. I do trust her but she has had a sexual past. She says that her and him have never had a thing and she doesn’t find him attractive.
They have discussed this trip long before I met her. They will be also be sharing a room. I don’t like the idea and can’t get over it. What would you do?
I hear you, man. You’re in a tough spot, and it makes total sense why you’re feeling uncomfortable right now. You’ve been dating for about six months, and you care about this woman. But now she’s about to go on a trip with a single male friend, share a room with him, and you’re left with all these swirling emotions—trust, insecurity, discomfort. It’s a lot to unpack.
First off, let’s be clear about one thing: Your feelings are valid. You have every right to feel uneasy about this situation. You’re not being “insecure” for acknowledging that this makes you uncomfortable. Relationships are built on mutual trust and boundaries, and it sounds like this is triggering some concerns for you.
Here’s the deal, though. You said you trust her but can’t get over her past or this particular setup. You need to ask yourself, do you actually trust her or are you letting fear take the wheel here? Trust isn’t about perfect conditions—it’s about believing in your partner’s integrity, even when things feel uneasy. The fact that they planned this trip long before you came into the picture means this isn’t about you, but I totally get why it feels that way.
Now, if I were in your shoes, I’d have an honest conversation. I wouldn’t accuse or demand; instead, I’d be direct about my feelings: “I trust you, but this situation is making me uncomfortable for reasons I’m still trying to sort out.” Lay it out there without pointing fingers. And then, listen to her response. Really listen. If she’s dismissing your feelings by calling you insecure, that’s a red flag. You deserve someone who respects your emotions, even if they don’t fully agree with them.
The bottom line is, you can’t control what she does, nor should you try to. But what you can control is how you choose to handle this discomfort. Is this a dealbreaker for you? Can you work through the discomfort together? Or is it pointing to something deeper about how you both communicate and respect each other’s boundaries? Take the time to figure that out, because if this is the kind of thing that’ll keep gnawing at you, it’s worth addressing now—before resentment has a chance to set in.
You’re not wrong for feeling how you feel, but it’s also important to figure out if this is the hill you’re willing to die on. Remember: communication, respect, and boundaries are key here.
Personally, if this were happening to me, I’d need to evaluate what’s most important to me in the relationship. I’d be upfront and say, “I’m not comfortable with this situation, and it’s crossing a boundary for me. I trust you, but I need to know that my feelings and boundaries are being respected, too.” If she respects that, you’ve got something solid to build on. If she doesn’t, I’d have to take a hard look at whether this is the kind of relationship I want to invest in long-term. Because in the end, it’s not just about the trip—it’s about how you both handle boundaries and trust together.