When we got married, I was projected to be a millionaire. My wife wanted to marry into money. She was very adamant about this. She wanted to be one of those wealthy, stay at home mothers who live a Montessori lifestyle with their children. I was and still am on board with this. She’s a fantastic mother and there is no denying this fact. She is raising independent, well rounded children who love one another. I don’t know how she does it especially with our limited budget, but it works.
When it comes to our relationship, she is kind to me most of the time. She looks after me well and I rarely have to do anything around the house. We rarely argue because she avoids me under the pretence of our kids. We have regular, engaging sex. It can be one sided, but I understand because of everything she does.
Here’s the not so fun part. It’s as if my wife wears a mask and sometimes this mask falls off. I see it in public a lot. Anytime we’re out an about and she sees a wealthy mom coming out of a luxury SUV, or pushing some ridiculously expensive stroller with a designer diaper bag, her face contorts. I’ve picked up on the pattern. She’ll see something triggering, her face will literally contort, she’ll let go of my hand and give me a cold, chilling death stare. She will then begin walking faster with the kids. We also never go anywhere alone. She avoids to be alone with me as much as possible.
You might not think this is enough evidence to think she hates me, but hear me out. Over the years, she’s made passive aggressive comments towards me. These comments aren’t often, but when they happen it cuts like a knife. I remember one time her saying that if it weren’t ghetto to have children by different men, she’d be in a better place in life. A few weeks ago she said that at least she won’t be needing Botox because in our tax bracket she’s already winning just by having front teeth.
I feel awful for not giving her the life she wants. I messed up and lost everything right after we got married. I expected her to leave me, but she didn’t. I thought she stayed because money wasn’t as important, but I’m realising she stayed because of the stigma of being a single mother. I love her very much and I don’t feel good about our situation. I am slowly pulling us up, but reality is I will never be where I once was. I will never be able to give her the life I once promised. It simply won’t happen. I have tried bringing it up to her several times. She acts as though she cannot hear me. The last time I tried bringing it up, I committed to not letting the issue be dismissed and told her that we should look at some counselling. She turned around and told me to f**k off.
So yeah, I think my wife secretly hates me.
Relevant info I left out: she never knew about the risky investments, we had to sell some of our baby’s furniture to get by and I had an emotional affair. This was over 5 years ago.
Alright, let’s tackle this situation head-on. I’m gonna be straight with you, because that’s what you need right now.
Your marriage is in serious trouble. It’s not just that your wife might secretly hate you – it’s that you’re both living in a fantasy world that’s crumbling around you. You promised something you couldn’t deliver, and she’s holding onto a dream that’s not reality. This isn’t healthy for either of you, or for your kids.
You made risky investments without her knowledge, and that’s a breach of trust, plain and simple. In a marriage, financial decisions that big need to be made together. You also had an emotional affair. That’s another massive breach of trust. It doesn’t matter if it was five years ago – if you haven’t dealt with it properly, it’s still affecting your relationship.
Your wife is clearly harboring deep resentment. Those passive-aggressive comments, the cold stares, the avoidance – these are all signs of unresolved anger and disappointment. The fact that you can’t even have a conversation about these issues without her shutting down or lashing out is not okay. Your wife is putting on a show for the world, but it’s eating her up inside. She’s not being honest with herself or with you about her feelings.
Here’s the deal: You both need to wake up and face reality. The millionaire dream is gone. It’s time to build a new dream together, or decide if you want to go your separate ways.
You need to sit down with your wife and have an honest, raw conversation. No more avoiding, no more pretending. Tell her exactly what you’ve told me. If she won’t listen, write it in a letter. But get it out there.
Then, you both need professional help. Individual therapy and couples counseling are non-negotiable at this point. You’ve got years of resentment, broken trust, and poor communication to work through.
Remember, your kids are watching all of this. They’re learning what marriage looks like from you two. Right now, you’re teaching them that marriage is about putting on a fake smile while secretly resenting your partner. Is that what you want for them?
It’s time to get real, get honest, and do the hard work to either fix this marriage or end it with dignity. Your future, your wife’s future, and your kids’ futures depend on it.