I’m 23M, she’s 23F, and we were married for four years. Things were fine until she started growing distant a few months ago. I became possessive, especially when she got close with a coworker. They were hugging a lot and exchanged numbers, which made me uncomfortable. We went to therapy and agreed she’d stay away from him, but she didn’t, and the trust issues only got worse.
Last month, I saw a notification on her phone where she called another guy “so cute” and said their last time together was “bomb af.” When I asked who she was texting, she lied and said it was her aunt. Later, I checked her phone and saw no messages to her aunt. That’s when I had enough. She finally admitted she cheated on me with two coworkers and was going to move in with one of them. I filed for divorce, but a week later, she started telling people I had cheated.
Then she tried talking to me, saying she wanted what we had back. I refused and only discussed the divorce. Not long after, she tried to kill herself by overdosing on pills. I found her passed out on the street and called her parents to pick her up.
It’s been three weeks since, and she called me last night, saying she misses me and wants to get back together—but she’s still talking to the guys she cheated with. I’m conflicted. Part of me still loves her and wants to believe we can fix this, but the other part knows what she did and doesn’t trust her anymore. I feel lost, hurt, and unsure of what to do next.
Man, my heart breaks reading this, but I’m going to give you the tough love you need to hear right now.
First off, let’s be crystal clear—you’re in a toxic situation that’s eating you alive from the inside out. Your wife cheated, lied, blamed you, and then tried to manipulate the narrative to make herself the victim. None of that is your fault. You don’t owe her anything right now, especially not your peace of mind.
Now, I’m going to be blunt: her choices don’t define you. Her cheating? That’s on her. Her lying? That’s on her. Her attempt to get back with you while still talking to the guys she cheated with? Man, that’s a giant, neon sign telling you to RUN.
You said it yourself—you’ve lost yourself in this relationship. And here’s the hard truth: you need to find yourself again, and that’s not going to happen while you’re still tangled up in this mess. You need space to heal. You need to reconnect with who you are, outside of her, outside of the lies, outside of this cycle of chaos.
And here’s the part you might not want to hear: she’s not your responsibility anymore. You did the right thing by calling her parents and getting her help when she overdosed, but her mental health is not yours to manage. You can’t fix her. What you can do is protect your own mental health and start rebuilding your life.
So what do you do? You keep moving forward. You focus on that divorce and get some serious distance. Block her calls, block her texts, whatever it takes to stop letting her pull you back into the drama. You surround yourself with people who love you, who have your back, and who can help you rebuild your sense of self. Therapy’s a good idea too—trust me on that one.
You’re hurting right now, and that’s okay. But you’re stronger than you think. You’ve already taken the hardest step by saying you’re done. Now follow through. You’ve got a whole life ahead of you that’s not tied to the lies, the cheating, or the manipulation. Take it one day at a time, but whatever you do, don’t look back.
Your future is waiting for you—now go make it happen.