My boyfriend (25M) and I (24F) have been together for almost five years, living together for four. Last winter, he cheated on me for the first time. I found out by accident when a text from a girl popped up while he was showing me something on his phone. His response, “Don’t worry, she’s ugly,” felt off. Later, I saw affectionate messages from her. He claimed she was just a friend and had forgotten how to talk to women. I let it go.
A month later, he lied about going to dinner with his sister, but I knew he’d taken the girl out instead. He eventually admitted it, but only after I hinted I knew. Despite this, I stayed, hoping things would change.
Not long after, he started talking to another girl, and their conversations quickly became inappropriate. He apologized, promised it wouldn’t happen again, and stopped talking to both girls—for a while. But two months later, I discovered he was still talking to both behind my back, even calling them while working away from home. When confronted, he denied everything until I found the deleted messages.
Now, I’m torn. He claims to love me and didn’t want to hurt me, but he’s broken every promise. I want to believe him, but how can I trust someone who lies and manipulates? We’ve built so much together, but I feel like a fool for staying. Am I just his backup plan? How will I ever know if he’s telling the truth next time?
Your boyfriend has shown you exactly who he is, and it’s not someone of high moral character. He’s lied, cheated, manipulated, and when he’s caught, he just says what he thinks you want to hear—”I love you, I don’t want to lose you”—but his actions show he doesn’t respect you. His words don’t matter anymore because he’s proven that he doesn’t have the integrity to back them up.
You’ve given him chance after chance, and he keeps breaking your trust. He’s making promises he has no intention of keeping. This isn’t a one-time mistake—this is a pattern. And patterns like this speak to who someone really is. What does that tell you about his character? About his respect for you, or frankly, his respect for himself?
You’re not wrong to want to believe the best in people, but you’re dealing with someone who has shown you over and over that he’s not going to step up. He’s not going to change. He’s of low moral character, and he’s relying on your kindness to keep stringing you along.
Ask yourself: how many more times are you going to let him hurt you? Because it’s not stopping here. You’re worth more than being someone’s backup plan, someone they lie to and manipulate. You deserve someone with integrity, someone who respects you enough to be honest and faithful.
It’s time to stop waiting for him to become the person you need him to be and recognize that he isn’t that person. You deserve better, and you need to believe that for yourself.