I’ve been with my husband for 3 years, 2 years married. There’s a female friend of his that will jump into his arms when she sees him and act in a way that makes me slightly uncomfortable. I’ve had a conversation with my husband in the past about it so he’s aware of my feelings on the matter. I just brushed it off after that because it was never to the point where I felt I needed to make shit weird.
We hang out with her family quite a bit (her mom and dad) and she lives out of town so we don’t see her often. This past weekend she was in town because she is getting married next year and came to hang out and pick out a dress the following day. A bunch of us were over at her parents house watching the football game. She showed up and does the whole jumping into his arms thing, which I expected so I wasn’t bothered.
But then, she sat on his lap…. Not only that, she looks at me and says “this is ok right?”
It really wasn’t to me, but there were a lot of people around and I didn’t feel like looking like the jealous wife (which is entirely not the case). I just shrugged it off like whatever and said it was cool. Then she asks me again after a few minutes. Again, I shrugged it off.She said it another time or two after that, then proceeded to come up to me later and ask if I was cool with her sitting on his lap and that they are like “brother and sister”. Then she went on to say that his ex wife didn’t like it and she’s a bitch, so at that point I just went with it.
I didn’t grow up with them to witness their dynamic, so to me it’s inappropriate. And if you have to ask permission, it probably is. It just threw me off that she was so adamant about asking repeatedly if it was ok. What’s the end game? Even if they have that dynamic, I think that once your friend gets married, things change and you should respect another man’s wife.
I’m not sure how to proceed because I work with her family members, but I’m just not ok with this behavior. It’s not about jealousy, it’s about me feeling completely disrespected. By both of them.
Am I justified in my feelings on this? Am I overreacting?
First off, let me be clear: you are 100% justified in how you’re feeling. This isn’t about being a “jealous wife,” and the fact that she repeatedly asked for permission shows that she knew it was pushing boundaries. If it was truly a normal, brother-sister dynamic, she wouldn’t have needed to ask. The red flag here is the fact that she kept asking—it feels like she’s testing the waters and putting you in an uncomfortable spot to see how far she can push things.
You’ve already had a conversation with your husband about how her behavior makes you uncomfortable, but now the situation has escalated. Sitting on his lap is a whole different level of inappropriate, especially when she’s making a point to ask you in front of everyone. This wasn’t just casual—it felt intentional.
Here’s the deal: you don’t need to justify your feelings to anyone. When you’re married, there’s a level of respect that friends need to have for the relationship, and it sounds like she’s not respecting yours. Whether or not they’ve had this “dynamic” before, things are different now that he’s married. You’re his wife, and you should feel safe and secure in your relationship—not disrespected.
How do you proceed? This is a conversation you need to have with your husband again. Not in a confrontational way, but from the perspective of needing to feel respected and heard. Let him know that while you’ve brushed it off before, the lap-sitting and constant questioning crossed a line. He needs to understand that this isn’t about jealousy; it’s about respecting the boundaries of your marriage. And frankly, he needs to step up here and put an end to this behavior from his friend. It’s not about causing drama—it’s about establishing what’s okay in your relationship.
Also, if you’re working with her family, it makes things tricky. But that doesn’t mean you should keep quiet. You have every right to ask for boundaries to be respected. Your gut is telling you this isn’t okay, and that’s enough. You’re not overreacting, you’re standing up for the respect your marriage deserves.
At the end of the day, you deserve to feel like a priority. And if someone is making you feel disrespected—whether they mean to or not—that needs to be addressed. Trust your instincts, have the conversation with your husband, and be clear that this needs to be resolved, because you and your relationship are worth that.