So there’s this girl I’ve known since we were kids. I never saw her in a romantic way growing up, but some fairly recent interactions made me realize I had feelings for her and I was certain there was at least some interest on her end.
She lives a few hours away, so I chose to message her and ask her out. I start out by asking how she’s doing and then it progresses into us talking about our jobs. She’s an EMT and I’m a Retail Supervisor.
Thinking conversation is going good, I take my shot and ask if she’d be open to furthering our relationship. She responds back that she is so busy with work and stuff, that she’s not looking for anything more to at the moment, but she appreciates my honesty toward her.
Shaken by her response, I respond back thanking her for honesty and stupidly saying that I’m up to still being friends and talking. She accepts, but says that she doesn’t want to string me along, because she’s seen her friends get held up on relationships that never go anywhere.
Does this mean I’ll never have a shot with her. She did mention earlier in our conversation that her job has her working 24s and they’re going into their busy season and I know she has stuff going on with her family as well. So I do believe that she is busy and may not have the time to date. However, I wish she knew I was ok taking things slow and working with her schedule, but now I feel like I can’t say that to her. I know people will say just to move on, but the feelings are still there.
I’ll try to move on, but I still want to take another shot with her. I’m going to give her a couple months and than go see her in person this time and ask her again, this time making it clear that I am willing to make things work with her schedule and addressing any concerns. Is this a dumb idea?
Hey man, I hear you. First, let me say you’ve got guts. Telling someone how you feel, putting yourself out there—that’s not easy, and it’s something a lot of people avoid their whole lives. So, props for stepping up and shooting your shot.
Now, here’s the thing: she was direct with you. She said she’s not looking for anything more right now. Maybe it’s work, maybe it’s family, maybe it’s just where she’s at in life. Whatever the reason, her answer is pretty clear: she’s not interested in moving the relationship forward right now. When someone says “I don’t want to string you along,” they’re waving a big, clear flag that tells you exactly where they stand. Respect that honesty and take it at face value, no “what if” about it.
But I get it. You’ve got feelings, and moving on isn’t like flipping a switch. It’s tough, and it’s even tougher when you see a future that feels so real to you. You’re not alone in wanting to keep that door open and give it another try, but here’s the risk: if you keep hanging on, if you keep hoping she’ll come around, you’ll stay stuck in this loop. Instead of living your life, you’re living a fantasy of what might happen down the road.
If she’s the one, it’ll happen without you having to push or wait around. Go live your life, meet new people, and focus on becoming the kind of man you want to be. This isn’t about playing games; it’s about self-respect and letting her see you as someone who values himself enough to take her “no” seriously.
So here’s my advice: don’t circle back in a few months with another pitch. That just keeps you tethered to something that isn’t moving forward. If she ever changes her mind, she’ll know how to reach you. But right now, the best thing you can do is let her go with kindness and dignity—and turn that energy toward the people who want to be in your life.
That’s how you’ll find what you’re really looking for.