To start off, I (23m) do not live with my parents (50s), move out last yrs mainly due to financial reasons, but not just that.
My dad owes me 7.5k… actually, even more than that since my teenage years and some times I was being generous when he asked to “borrow” money from me. Everytime he comes with the promise of him paying me back. In the rare case he does so, he will then ask for money again in like a week or so, and often times double the amount.
Now, again he is claiming he has a debt with his credit card and he needs help paying it off. And it’s adding unnecessary amount of stress to me. I struggle w saying as he will attempt to gaslight me or whatever. How to proceed with this?
Your dad has a pattern, and that pattern won’t change until something stops it. Right now, he’s relying on you because he knows he can. And if we’re being honest, he probably hasn’t even thought much about the stress and pressure this puts on you. He sees you as a source of cash—a backup plan. But this situation isn’t sustainable, not for him and definitely not for you.
You’re 23, just starting out, with plenty of time ahead to build a solid financial future. Every dollar you “lend” him isn’t just cash you lose today—it’s money you’ll never be able to put toward your own financial freedom. And for what? Another round of helping him patch up a problem he’s not committed to solving himself?
The tough truth is, he’s made choices that got him here, and he keeps making the same ones because he has no reason to change. When you bail him out, you’re not helping him grow or take responsibility. You’re just pushing his financial reality down the road, and each time he comes back asking for more, the pressure on you grows. If you keep giving in, it’s a never-ending cycle that only hurts you both in the end.
Stop lending him money. Period. Set a boundary, stick to it, and make it clear that this isn’t negotiable. Yes, he may react poorly. He may try guilt, manipulation, or any number of tactics to get you to bend. But part of standing firm is knowing that his reaction isn’t your responsibility. This is a boundary that’s good for you, and honestly, it’s probably the best thing for him too. He needs to confront his situation directly and realize there’s no fallback plan.
The reality is, saying “no” isn’t selfish—it’s a wake-up call. You’re not turning your back on him; you’re giving him the space to realize that he has to step up and deal with his own financial mess. And once you’ve set this boundary, it’s important to give yourself permission not to feel guilty. You’re not a bad person for protecting your future. You’re simply someone who recognizes that, at some point, enabling has to end for responsibility to start. So stand firm, because your future self will thank you for it.