Current girlfriend that I see 1 or 2 nights per week. She never offers to pay for anything. When the bill comes it’s as if she expects me to pay all the time.
Should this be a red flag? Ive had girlfriends before and been on tons of dates, the girl often offers to split the bill or even pay. Never had a girl never offer to pay.
Im considering stopping seeing her as I’m feeling used.
Hey man, I get it. Money stuff in relationships is messy, and it can stir up all kinds of feelings—resentment, frustration, maybe even a little self-doubt. It’s not really about the money itself; it’s about what the money represents: respect, effort, and reciprocity. And when that feels one-sided, it’s tough to ignore.
Is this a red flag? It might be. Relationships thrive on mutual respect and effort. If you’re the one footing the bill every single time, and she never even offers to pay or split, that can feel like a lack of effort—or worse, entitlement. Now, maybe she comes from a background where the guy always pays. Maybe she’s shy about bringing up money, or she’s assuming you’re cool with covering everything. But here’s the kicker: If it’s bothering you, it matters. Period.
Before you make any big decisions, you’ve got to talk to her. No passive-aggressive hints, no silent stewing. A direct and kind conversation is the only way to figure out where her head is. You might say something like: “Hey, I’ve noticed I’ve been paying for everything when we go out. I don’t mind treating you sometimes, but it would mean a lot if we could split things or take turns. How do you feel about that?” Her reaction will tell you a lot. Does she respond with understanding and openness? Or does she get defensive or dismissive? The way she handles this conversation will say more about her character than the money ever will.
If she’s unwilling to meet you halfway—literally or metaphorically—that’s a bigger issue. Relationships aren’t 50/50 all the time, but they’re definitely not supposed to feel like 100/0. A good partner is someone who contributes to the relationship in a way that works for both of you. It’s not about keeping score; it’s about showing up. If she’s not willing to put in the effort when you bring it up, it’s fair to ask yourself if this is someone you want to keep investing in.
Listen to your gut here. If you feel used, you probably are—whether it’s intentional or not. And no relationship is worth sacrificing your self-respect or peace of mind. The bottom line is this: You deserve to be with someone who sees you as an equal partner, not an ATM. If this relationship feels like a one-way street, it’s okay to walk away. You’re not being selfish. You’re setting a standard for how you want to be treated—and that’s something to be proud of. Take care of yourself, brother. You’ve got this.