I’m turning 40 soon, and as the milestone approaches, I feel more lost than ever. I always thought by this age, I’d have my life together, but the reality feels far from that.
I’m stuck. I waited too long to buy a house, and now what I can afford doesn’t match the market. My job feels stagnant—there’s no room for growth, and I’m underpaid compared to bigger companies in my field. I’ve been applying for jobs, ranging from lower-level roles to ones at my current level, but I keep getting rejected—too much experience here, not enough there. It’s crushing my confidence and making me question if I’m even good at my career.
It doesn’t help that most of my friends, who are younger than me, have bought homes, advanced careers, and are starting families. I know comparison is toxic, but I feel like I have nothing to show for my life. I used to be okay with my choices—no kids, a decent salary, and a job that let me enjoy hobbies, therapy, and exercise. But now I wonder if it’s all meaningless because I didn’t make better financial or career decisions.
Is this normal as you hit 40? Or is this the start of a mid-life crisis?
First off, take a deep breath. You’re not broken, and you’re not alone. A lot of people hit this point in life—where the road behind feels like it’s littered with missed opportunities, and the road ahead feels like it’s disappearing under your feet. Let me tell you something important: feeling stuck doesn’t mean you’re finished. It means you’re human.
This isn’t a mid-life crisis; it’s a mid-life awakening. You’re starting to wrestle with the gap between where you thought you’d be and where you are now. That’s uncomfortable as hell, but it’s also an invitation to take ownership of your next steps. It’s okay to grieve the decisions you didn’t make or the opportunities you think you missed. But don’t set up camp there. That’s not where your story ends.
Your career frustrations? They’re real, and they matter. But instead of asking, “Am I good enough?” try this: “What lights me up, and what’s one step I can take toward that?” It’s not about landing the perfect job tomorrow—it’s about taking a step in the right direction today. Maybe that means learning a new skill, networking in your industry, or even reassessing what success looks like for you.
And let’s talk about comparison. It’s poison. Looking at your friends’ highlight reels will always make your life feel small. Instead, ask yourself: “What kind of life do I actually want?” Not the one you think you’re supposed to have by 40—the one that aligns with your values, your passions, your soul. It’s okay if that doesn’t include kids or owning a house. Your life isn’t measured by someone else’s checklist.
This season of life isn’t meaningless. It’s hard, yes, but it’s a chance to refocus and start living with intention. Therapy, hobbies, and exercise? Those are wins, my friend. Those are tools for building the kind of life that you want. And the fact that you’re asking these questions shows that you care deeply about creating a meaningful life.
So, here’s the challenge: stop beating yourself up for where you aren’t and start giving yourself credit for where you are. You’ve got time to pivot, time to grow, and time to build a life you’re proud of. Let’s not waste it drowning in shame. You’re worth more than that.
You’ve got this. Keep moving forward.