My friend is sleeping and having an emotional relationship with a married man. It makes me sick to think that someone I consider to be a good friend and good person would do something like this.
I care about her and love her a a friend, but I don’t know where to go from here. People deserve acceptance and forgiveness for their mistakes and I know that if I really messed up, I would want people I can count on to be my friend no matter what, but I still feel conflicted.
What she’s doing is wrong and I can’t help but lose some respect for her. Do I stop being friends with her?
Hey there,
I can feel how torn you are about this, and I want to start by saying that it’s okay to feel conflicted. This situation isn’t black and white—it’s messy and emotionally charged, especially because you care deeply about your friend but are struggling with her choices.
Let’s start with the core of the issue: your friend is making decisions that go against your values and what you believe is right. And it’s hard to reconcile that with the person you know and love. It feels like a betrayal—not just of her integrity, but maybe even of the friendship you share, because you expect better from her. That’s a tough pill to swallow.
But here’s the thing: you can hold two truths at the same time. You can love your friend and still hate what she’s doing. You can believe in acceptance and forgiveness while also holding her accountable. And you can care about her deeply while choosing to set boundaries if her behavior is hurting you or making you question the friendship.
So what do you do next? First, it’s worth having an honest conversation with her. Not to judge or condemn, but to express how you feel and give her a chance to explain. Start from a place of care: “I love you, and I value our friendship, but I need to share something that’s been weighing on me.” Then, let her know how her actions are affecting you—not in a blaming way, but in a way that’s about your feelings: “I’m struggling because what you’re doing goes against my values, and I’m finding it hard to reconcile that with the amazing person I know you are.”
This isn’t about fixing her or changing her behavior—you can’t control her choices. But you can decide how you’ll show up in this friendship moving forward. If you feel she’s receptive and willing to talk, you might find a way to navigate this together. But if she brushes it off, denies there’s a problem, or doubles down on the behavior, you may need to reevaluate whether this friendship is one you can continue to invest in without compromising your own values.
And let’s not forget about you in this. Holding space for someone you love while grappling with their mistakes is emotionally exhausting. Give yourself permission to take a step back if you need it. Loving someone doesn’t mean you have to co-sign their choices or stick around when their actions conflict with your integrity.
Ultimately, staying friends with her—or stepping away—isn’t about punishing her or making a moral statement. It’s about protecting your own emotional well-being and living in alignment with your values. Whatever you decide, make it a decision rooted in both love for your friend and love for yourself.
You’ve got this.