I have a coworker who has two kids and is always struggling financially. Most of the time, I end up paying for her breakfast and lunch—probably about 95% of the time. She also frequently asks to “borrow” money, usually in amounts between $20 and $50. The largest amount I’ve lent her was $250.
I’m not exactly rolling in cash myself, but since I don’t have kids, the little extra money I do have for myself often ends up going to her instead. Now, things have escalated. Today, we’re supposed to go to the bank so I can open a loan in my name, with the intention of giving her the full amount. My credit is excellent (hers isn’t, so the loan would only get approved under my name), and the plan is to link her bank account for repayments.
But here’s the problem: if she’s already struggling financially, how on earth is she going to pay it off? I’m afraid it’s going to fall on me when she inevitably can’t make the payments. My gut is screaming at me not to do this. The truth is, I don’t even feel comfortable taking out a loan for myself, let alone for someone else.
The only reason I’ve gone along with it this far is because I’m a people pleaser—I have a really hard time saying no, especially when someone’s in need. But this situation has me feeling uneasy, and I honestly don’t know how to tell her I’ve changed my mind.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
You’re at a crossroads here, and it’s about more than just a loan. It’s time to take a hard look at this relationship. Real friends don’t use you as their financial safety net. They don’t guilt you into handing over money you don’t have, and they definitely don’t ask you to risk your financial future for their poor decisions. Right now, you’re enabling someone who is taking advantage of your kindness—and that’s not friendship. That’s exploitation.
Ask yourself: What does this friendship actually look like? Are you constantly giving while she’s constantly taking? Because if this relationship only exists because you keep saying yes—covering meals, handing out cash, and now signing up for a loan—then it’s not a healthy friendship. Real friends respect your boundaries and value you for more than what you can do for them.
You need to face a hard truth about people-pleasing: saying yes to everyone and everything isn’t noble—it’s destructive. You’re so afraid of confrontation or disappointing someone that you’ve turned yourself into a doormat. But here’s the thing: every time you say yes to her unreasonable demands, you’re saying no to yourself. No to your financial security. No to your peace of mind. No to the boundaries you desperately need.
Taking out a loan in your name for her is financial suicide, and you know it. Your gut is screaming at you for a reason. If she’s already broke, how is she going to pay it back? You know how this ends: she doesn’t, and the debt becomes yours. Meanwhile, your friendship is likely to evaporate the moment you stop bankrolling her life.
And here’s the harsh truth: if saying no to this loan is the thing that ends the friendship, then it was never a real friendship to begin with. Real relationships don’t crumble the second you set a boundary. They grow stronger because of mutual respect—and right now, there’s no respect here.
So here’s what you need to do. Sit her down and say, “I’ve thought about it, and I can’t take out this loan for you. It’s not something I’m comfortable doing.” No long explanations. No apologies. Stand firm.
And after that conversation, it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate this relationship. You deserve friends who value you for who you are, not what you can give them. Protect your boundaries, your finances, and your peace of mind. If this friendship ends because of your decision, that’s not a loss—it’s freedom.