I (25) met my girlfriend (29) at work, and things started off great. But over time, she began checking my phone and questioning me about my female friends. Even casual conversations with them seemed to trigger her. At first, I thought it was just her being cute and possessive, but then I discovered she had a lot of male friends at work she was talking to.
It got more concerning when I learned some of them were touchy with her—one even gave her a romantic letter, and another bit her arm, leaving marks. She lied to me about it, and I only found out later. When I brought it up and started asking questions, she became defensive and manipulative. Instead of addressing my concerns, she’d flip the conversation back on me, accusing me of things to shift the blame.
When I tried to confront her seriously, she told me, “I know what I’m doing. I’m not doing anything wrong. Some things happened by mistake, but I don’t trust men. Even though you say you don’t talk to or flirt with anyone, I’m not convinced.”
To try to ease her doubts, I deleted my Snapchat and Instagram, but she still manages to find ways to trigger me. Meanwhile, she continues to use Snapchat and keeps everything else going on her end without making any compromises.
I don’t know what to do. It’s more complicated than it sounds. I feel lost and chained. I get emotionally attached, so it’s really hard for me to leave, and it’s making me anxious. I need advice—how do I handle this?
I’m going to level with you—you’re in a relationship that’s draining you emotionally, and deep down, you already know it. You said you feel lost and chained, and that’s no way to live. Relationships are supposed to add to your life, not leave you walking on eggshells or questioning your own worth. So let’s stop sugarcoating this and get real about what’s happening here.
First, trust is broken, and it’s not getting fixed. She doesn’t trust you—no matter how much you try to prove yourself. You’ve deleted your social media, bent over backward to ease her doubts, and yet nothing’s enough. Meanwhile, she’s out here lying to you, keeping her own social media active, and brushing off your concerns like they’re no big deal. That’s not trust. That’s hypocrisy.
Second, and I’m saying this with love, you’re letting her control the narrative. Every time you bring up something that bothers you, she flips it around and makes it your problem. That’s not a conversation—it’s manipulation. Healthy relationships don’t work like that. Both people should be able to bring up issues without being shut down or made to feel crazy.
And let’s talk about that “chained” feeling. You’re not chained—you’re choosing to stay. I know that’s hard to hear, but it’s the truth. You’ve gotten emotionally attached to someone who isn’t showing up for you, and instead of facing that head-on, you’re twisting yourself into knots trying to make it work. It’s not your job to convince her to be fair, honest, or respectful. She either is or she isn’t.
Ask yourself this: If nothing changes, are you okay living like this? Are you willing to keep sacrificing your own peace, self-respect, and happiness just to hold onto this relationship? Because that’s what’s happening. Every time you make a compromise and she doesn’t, every time she lies and you brush it aside, you’re telling yourself that her comfort is more important than your well-being. And that’s not love—that’s self-abandonment.
I know it’s hard to walk away from someone you care about. But sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for yourself is to say, Enough. You deserve a relationship built on mutual respect and trust, not one where you feel like you’re constantly on trial. If she can’t meet you halfway, it’s time to ask yourself why you’re staying in a place that’s tearing you down instead of building you up.
You’re not stuck. You’re not chained. You’re free to make a decision that prioritizes your own health and happiness. And I think you already know what that decision is.