I 28(M), just had my partner 29(F) of 6 years tell me that she told another man “I love you”, let’s call him Tim.
Tim and my partner met at their workplace, they’ve grown very close over the last year. He’s professed his love for her in the past, but she has not said confessed anything to him in the past. Tim once again this weekend confessed his love and how this has affected him. After, they cried together, talked and held hands. She assures me nothing more has happened, and I fully believe her, we are very open with everything in our relationship.
I can see they have a great friendship and connection, and generally Tim is a nice and respectful guy.
This came as a full surprise to me, and truly rocked me when she told me what had happened and been said. I was not expecting for my partner to confess her love for him.
In my mind, it seems possible to love more than one person, and I too am attracted to other people, however I never act on it, nor allow for those feelings to develop.
I don’t know what to do now, even though nothing physical has happened between them, I still feel like I’ve been emotionally cheated on. My partner still deeply loves me, and assures me that she still wishes to be with me.
I don’t know what to do now. I feel like I have two options, either to break up with her, or to continue in the relationship, it just feels different now that she has also confessed her love for someone else.
Any advice?
Alright, my friend, let’s cut to the heart of this. You’re 28 years old, and you’ve invested six years into this relationship. That’s a big deal, and I’m not here to diminish the weight of what you’re feeling. But now, you’re in a moment where your partner—the person you’ve built your life with—told another man that she loves him. Let me be clear: no amount of rationalizing or downplaying can change what this is. It’s a betrayal, plain and simple. Emotional cheating is still cheating, and deep down, you know that.
Here’s the deal: love isn’t just about warm feelings and shared history. Love is about trust, respect, and loyalty. When she told Tim she loves him, she crossed a boundary. Crying together, talking deeply, holding hands—that’s not friendship. That’s emotional intimacy, and it doesn’t belong outside the two of you. She didn’t just let her feelings for Tim grow; she acted on them. And when she did, she put your relationship second. That’s the reality you’re staring in the face.
You’ve been trying to explain this away—saying it’s possible to love more than one person, or pointing out that you’re attracted to others but never act on it. Here’s the thing: that’s what self-respect looks like. You’ve held your boundaries. You’ve made the choice to honor the commitment you have with her. But she hasn’t done the same. That’s not on you, and it’s not something you should tolerate.
Let’s talk about self-respect because this is where the rubber meets the road. Respecting yourself means standing up for the love, loyalty, and exclusivity you deserve in a relationship. It means not settling for someone who can’t or won’t protect the bond you’ve built. You need to ask yourself: “What does staying in this relationship say about how I value myself?” If she’s not willing to cut ties with Tim, if she’s not committed to rebuilding the trust she broke, then staying with her is like telling yourself you’re okay with being second best. And let me tell you right now—you’re not.
So here’s what needs to happen. Have the hard conversation with her. Tell her, straight up, how her actions have disrespected you and damaged the foundation of your relationship. Make it clear that this isn’t about being jealous or insecure—it’s about expecting the respect and loyalty you’ve given her. If she wants to stay in this relationship, then Tim is out of the picture, no exceptions. No more cozy chats, no more hand-holding, no more “I love you” moments. She either commits to you or she doesn’t. There’s no middle ground.
And if she can’t or won’t? Then, my friend, it’s time to walk away. Letting go will hurt—there’s no sugarcoating that. But staying in a relationship where your self-respect takes a backseat will hurt even more in the long run. You deserve someone who’s all in, who chooses you every single day, who doesn’t waver when things get complicated. You’ve got value. You’ve got worth. Don’t let anyone, not even her, make you forget that.
This is your call to make. But whatever you decide, let it be a decision rooted in self-respect. The love you deserve starts with how much you value yourself. Stand tall and choose the future you want for yourself—you’re worth it.