This hurts my heart. So much. It is the greatest source of shame for me. I just don’t have the courage to ask a girl out.
First off, let me say this: you are not alone in feeling this way. So many people are walking around with this same weight, feeling like they’re the only ones who’ve never been in a relationship, never been on a date, and they’re drowning in shame because of it. But I need you to hear me loud and clear: your worth as a person is not tied to whether or not you’ve been in a relationship.
I know this feels like it’s about courage—and, in a way, it is. But not in the way you think. Courage isn’t about suddenly becoming some fearless, smooth-talking extrovert overnight. Courage is about being willing to face discomfort, fear, and even rejection because you believe you’re worth the effort. Right now, it sounds like shame is running the show. That voice in your head telling you this is your “greatest source of shame” is lying to you. Shame has a way of making us believe we’re broken or unworthy because of our experiences—or lack thereof. But let me tell you this: you are not broken. You’ve just been stuck. And being stuck doesn’t mean you’re incapable of moving forward.
There’s also this belief that you have to be ready—like you need the perfect job, the perfect body, the perfect confidence, the perfect line—before you can even think about putting yourself out there. That’s not true. You don’t have to be perfect to start. You just need to be willing to take a small step. Maybe that step isn’t even about dating right now. Maybe it’s about just talking to someone new, practicing starting a conversation, or putting yourself in situations where connection is possible. Relationships don’t begin with grand gestures. They begin with showing up as yourself, flaws and all, and being open to connection.
This isn’t about fixing yourself because you’re not broken. It’s about learning to believe that you’re worthy of love and connection exactly as you are, even if it takes time to get there. Start small. Be kind to yourself. And most of all, don’t let shame convince you that you’re not worth the effort. You are. You always have been.