We have been dating for 4 months, and he has been married for 3 years and together with the woman for 6 years overall.
When I originally met him, I had no idea he was married to another woman we just hit it off with each other, and I really liked him and he really liked me so we exchanged numbers and continued talking, and after talking for like a two(ish) weeks we started to date, at this point I still have no idea he’s married.
It’s been about 2 months since he finally told me he was actually married I was so suprised, and pissed about this, however he told me that he still wants to keep going with the relationship, but in secret so I pretty much just asked him how I need to play my role in this, and he said that he would be the one to come and see me, and that I do have nothing to worry about
I know I sound like a complete ass right now for dating a man whose married to another woman, but I do really like this guy, and as much as I think cheaters are shitty, it’s super hard to just let go of someone you’ve bonded with, and really care for. Plus he’s super beneficial for me as he helps with my bills/rent and he even helped me get a job, and he just makes me super happy and I enjoy his company so much, and I just don’t wanna throw all of that away
I know i’m being completely selfish, but I wanna be happy in life and he does make me happy my life these past few years have just been so down in the blue, this is the first time in a while I’ve felt happy in life, I just highly doubt I’d even find another man like him if I were to call it a quits with him. should I put an end to all of this and just do the right thing? I know the answer is most likely yes, but I just don’t want too
Let me start with this: I hear you. You’re hurting. You’ve been through a rough patch, and now you’ve found someone who feels like sunshine on a rainy day. It makes perfect sense that you don’t want to give that up. But sometimes, the things that feel good in the moment come with a heavy cost later—one that might not just hurt you, but a whole lot of other people, too.
Here’s the tough love part: this man isn’t your happiness. He’s a temporary distraction. You’re outsourcing your joy, your self-worth, and your sense of security to someone who has already shown you he doesn’t honor commitments. That might sound harsh, but it’s the truth. A man who can lie to his wife for months and hide an entire relationship isn’t a safe foundation for anyone’s happiness, including yours.
And let’s be honest with each other—deep down, you already know this. That’s why you’re here asking strangers for permission to do what you already know you need to do.
Let’s also talk about integrity, because that’s at the heart of what you’re wrestling with. Integrity is when your actions align with your values. It’s showing up as the person you want to be, even when it’s hard—especially when it’s hard. Right now, you’re living in a way that you’ve already admitted doesn’t match who you want to be. You’ve said yourself that you think cheaters are “shitty.” So why let yourself stay in a situation that forces you to compromise your own moral compass?
Integrity isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being brave enough to do the right thing, even when it’s inconvenient, even when it hurts. And here’s the truth: the longer you stay in this situation, the more it erodes not just your integrity but also your self-respect and dignity. Every time you choose to remain in this relationship, you’re sending yourself a message that this is all you’re worth. And I promise you—it’s not.
And think about this man’s integrity—or lack of it. He’s already lying to the woman he vowed to honor and cherish. He’s already asking you to live in the shadows, to compromise your own values for his convenience. A person who is willing to live without integrity in one area of life will almost always carry that into others. Is that the kind of person you want to build your life around?
Yes, you deserve happiness. But real happiness doesn’t come from taking shortcuts or clinging to someone else to make you feel whole. It comes from building a life you’re proud of—a life that reflects your values, your dignity, and your integrity. That kind of happiness takes work. It’s messy, exhausting, and uncomfortable, but it’s real. And once you find it, no one can ever take it from you.
So yes, you need to end this relationship. Not because it’s “the right thing to do” for his wife or anyone else, but because it’s the right thing to do for you. You’re better than being someone’s secret. You’re better than settling for borrowed happiness. And most importantly, you’re worth the kind of love and life that align with the person you truly want to be.
It’s time to let him go and start the work of rebuilding your life on a foundation of integrity, dignity, and self-respect. It won’t be easy, but nothing worth having ever is. And when you do, you’ll look back on this chapter not with regret, but with gratitude—for the lessons it taught you about the kind of life, and love, you truly deserve.
You’ve got this.