I (26M) cheated on my girlfriend (23F) of nearly two years during a work trip. She found out when she saw a text from the other woman on my phone and broke up with me.
After weeks of conversations and arguments, we decided to try again. Things are progressing slowly, but I know she doesn’t trust me (understandably). She gets uneasy when I get texts, and I’ve given her full access to my phone to help her feel secure, though she says she hasn’t checked it.
Our intimacy is inconsistent—some days we’re close, other days she pulls away. It breaks my heart knowing I caused her this pain. She says healing will take time, and there’s nothing I can do to erase the hurt.
I’m not making excuses—I know I messed up. I let the routine of our relationship make me feel stuck, and I sabotaged something I value deeply.
I regret it more than I can express and want to prove to her that she’s the only one for me. I’m considering suggesting couple’s therapy but would appreciate advice on how to rebuild trust and show her I’m committed to doing better.
First, I want to acknowledge that you’re taking responsibility for your mistake, and that’s no small thing. It doesn’t undo the damage, but it shows you’re serious about facing the mess you’ve created and beginning the hard work of rebuilding. That’s where healing starts. The reality is that you broke her trust, which is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and rebuilding it isn’t about words or promises. It’s about actions, consistency, and patience.
You mentioned feeling stuck, craving excitement, and fearing commitment. Those aren’t just excuses—they’re signals that there’s deeper work to do on yourself. You need to understand why you felt the need to self-sabotage something good. Therapy, whether individually or as a couple, can help you unpack those patterns and build better ones. Right now, your focus should be on showing her through your actions that you’re trustworthy. That means being consistent every single day—being where you say you’ll be, doing what you say you’ll do, and letting her see over time that you’re reliable. Trust isn’t rebuilt in a single gesture; it’s earned one day at a time.
At the same time, you have to give her space to feel what she’s feeling. She’s hurting, angry, and probably questioning everything about your relationship, and you can’t rush her to forgive you or “move on.” Healing isn’t linear, and there will be good days and bad days. Your job is to let her feel what she feels without getting defensive or making it about you. Listen to her, sit in the discomfort, and let her process on her timeline. This is about taking responsibility for what you did without expecting a payoff. She doesn’t owe you her trust or intimacy right now, and your commitment to being better can’t be conditional on her giving you what you want. This is about showing her—and yourself—that you’re serious about becoming a man of integrity, no matter how long it takes or how hard it is.
You’re right to think about couple’s therapy, because rebuilding trust after infidelity is tough, and you’re not going to figure this out on your own. A good therapist can help both of you navigate the pain and resentment while creating a plan to move forward. Therapy isn’t about fixing things overnight—it’s about learning how to communicate, set boundaries, and rebuild the foundation of your relationship. If she’s open to it, it could be a powerful tool for both of you.
The hardest truth in all of this is that she might not stay. Even if you do everything right, even if you give it everything you have, she might decide this isn’t something she can move past. And as much as that would hurt, you have to respect her decision. Rebuilding trust is a two-way street, and it only works if both people are fully committed. Right now, you’re standing at a crossroads. You can let this mistake define you, or you can use it as the turning point to grow into the kind of man you want to be. Whether this relationship survives or not, the work you do now will make you a better partner, friend, and person moving forward. You’ve got a long road ahead, but the fact that you’re asking these questions shows you’re willing to take the first step. That matters, so keep going.