Hi guys, I’m going through a tough time, been going on for 2 years but it feels like longer.
I’ve lost all ability to care about life, no real ambition, no goals and no desire to do anything.
It started properly due to divorce 2 years ago and I want to get out of this funk, but I’m struggling to see the point. I just feel hopeless.
Have you been there before? How did you get out?
I feel like most guys I’ve spoken to about this tell me some variation of ‘ I did it for my kids’ well at 36 I have none and am unlikely to have any now. So I feel like I’m just worthless.
Id love to hear from people who’ve been through the ringer and found their enthusiasm for life again. I’m just struggling to care right now
First off, let me just say this: I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. Life has a way of hitting us like a freight train when we’re least prepared for it, and two years in the trenches can feel like an eternity. Divorce is a loss—not just of a relationship, but of a vision you had for your future. It’s grief, plain and simple, and it takes time to heal from that.
You mentioned feeling like you’re “just worthless,” and I want to pause there because that’s a lie. It’s a nasty, convincing lie your brain is telling you right now because you’re hurting. You’re not worthless. You’re in pain. Those are two very different things.
Let me be clear: you matter. Not because of what you do, who you’re with, or what boxes you’ve checked off by 36, but because you exist. Because you have breath in your lungs and untapped value in your soul that maybe you don’t even recognize right now.
Here’s the thing about finding your fight again:
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You won’t wake up one day magically ready to care. There’s no lightning bolt moment. It starts with small, deliberate actions. Getting out of bed when it feels pointless. Taking a walk when you’d rather stay on the couch. Eating a real meal instead of junk. These things seem insignificant, but they’re how you rebuild your foundation.
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You need people. I know you’ve talked to some guys, but my question is: are you talking to the right people? Not just the “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” crowd, but folks who will sit in the mess with you. Who can handle your pain without throwing clichés at you. A good therapist can help here, too. They can guide you through this fog and help you reconnect with your own story.
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Find a purpose that’s bigger than you. You don’t need kids to have purpose. Volunteer. Mentor a young guy who’s struggling. Join a group or community where you can show up and serve. Purpose isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about showing up for something outside yourself.
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Rebuild trust with yourself. Right now, you probably don’t believe you can get through this because you feel so stuck. Start with small wins. Set a simple goal—just one. Accomplish it. Then set another. You need to prove to yourself that you can still take steps forward, even when it feels like you’re crawling.
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Grieve what you’ve lost. Your marriage, your dreams of kids, your sense of stability—all of that is real loss. You’re allowed to feel it. But don’t let grief take the wheel forever. There’s a difference between processing pain and letting it define you.
And finally, I’ll leave you with this: you’re in a fight, whether you feel like it or not. Every time you get up, every time you try again, you’re proving you’re still in it. That’s courage. That’s strength. Don’t give up on yourself, because this world needs the man you’re becoming on the other side of this storm.
You’ve got this. One step at a time.