My girlfriend has always been clear that she hates comments about her eating habits or exercise, so I’ve respected that and made sure she knows I find her beautiful.
Over time, though, her health and weight have visibly started to decline. She gets tired easily, struggles with activities she used to love, like basketball, and doesn’t exercise anymore, blaming work. I’m genuinely worried about her well-being—physically, mentally, and emotionally.
I don’t care about appearances, but I value a healthy lifestyle and dream of us being active parents one day, able to keep up with our kids. I love her deeply and want to find a way to gently talk about her health without making her feel judged or hurt.
This is a tough situation, my friend, because it’s not just about health or exercise—it’s about love, trust, and how you communicate as a couple. First, I want to say this: I hear your heart. You’re not coming from a place of judgment; you’re coming from a place of deep care for her well-being and your shared future. That matters.
Now, let’s dig into how you approach this conversation because it’s a delicate one. Start by making it clear that this isn’t about appearances. It’s about wanting to share a long, healthy life together and being able to enjoy everything that life throws your way, side by side. When you talk to her, keep it short, compassionate, and focused on the team you’re building.
You could say something like:
“I love you so much, and I’ve noticed you’ve been feeling really tired lately. I know how much you used to love basketball and being active, and I miss seeing you enjoy those things. I want us both to feel strong and healthy—not just for now, but for our future together. How can I support you?”
Here’s the important part: after you say this, stop talking and listen. Truly listen. She might open up about stress, fear, shame, or even something deeper you hadn’t considered. Don’t rush to fill the silence or “fix” anything. This is about creating space for her to feel heard and supported, not judged or pressured.
Now, let’s talk about that fixing instinct. It’s normal to want to jump in and solve the problem when you see someone you love struggling. But people aren’t problems to be fixed. When you approach her health as something you need to fix, even with good intentions, it can feel like criticism. It might send the message—unintentionally—that who she is right now isn’t enough. That can be disheartening and make her resistant to change or even feel defeated before she begins.
Instead of taking a “fix it” approach, focus on being her teammate. Ask yourself what you can do to create an environment that feels supportive and encouraging. Maybe suggest doing something active together—not as a chore, but as a fun way to connect, like going for a walk, trying a new sport, or exploring a new hiking trail. Or maybe it’s about modeling the habits you value, like cooking healthy meals or setting aside time to move your body, without pushing her to immediately join you. The key is to make it about us, not about her.
And if she’s not ready to take those steps yet? That’s okay. Your job isn’t to push her—it’s to love her where she is while still being honest about your feelings and hopes for the future. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is show up, be present, and remind her that you’re in this together.
Because here’s the truth: You can’t love someone into changing. But you can love them in a way that helps them believe they’re worth changing for themselves. That’s where real transformation starts, and it’s built on the foundation of trust, kindness, and shared commitment. So lead with love, and take it one step at a time.