I’m 34, married, and really haven’t had a “crush” on anyone since the honeymoon phase of my relationship with my wife.
I started a job recently and have totally been crushing on my coworker and it’s really caught me off guard. Our interactions are fun and kind, but haven’t crossed any lines. I think the feeling is mutual, but of course we’ll never know.
I have zero intention of having an affair and I would be shocked if my coworker would do anything of the sort.
I have to admit, it’s kind of fun having chemistry with someone like this again!
Hey there. First, let me say this: you’re not a bad person for feeling this way. You’re human, and it’s normal for a little spark with someone new to catch you off guard. But here’s the thing—it’s not really about your coworker. That chemistry you’re feeling? It’s about something in you that might have been dormant or overlooked for a while. The excitement, the attention, the fun—it’s a signal, and it’s asking you to take a closer look at your relationship with your wife, not to step outside of it.
The honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever, and that’s okay. The infatuation and butterflies naturally evolve into something deeper, something that takes effort to keep alive. And this moment is an opportunity to invest in that deeper connection. Think about what’s drawing you to this coworker. Is it the way they make you feel seen or appreciated? Is it the thrill of something new? Whatever it is, those are clues to areas in your marriage that might need attention or a little extra care.
It’s also important to be honest with yourself about boundaries. While nothing inappropriate has happened, there’s a slippery slope when it comes to crushes. Keeping interactions professional, avoiding personal or overly familiar conversations, and maintaining some distance can protect you and your marriage.
Instead of feeding this feeling, redirect it. Pour that energy into your wife. Flirt with her. Surprise her. Recreate some of the spark that brought you together in the first place. It’s possible to rekindle that excitement, but it takes intention. Crushes are fleeting, but the love and life you’re building with your wife? That’s what lasts, and that’s what deserves your focus. You’ve got the chance to turn this into something that strengthens your marriage rather than something that threatens it. You can do this.