I’m a 24M who has always dreamed of having a nice bungalow and luxury cars. I work and make good money, but I don’t have any hobbies or anything else going on in my life. I’ve never been in a relationship and don’t have many friends. On weekends, I work on pending tasks or think about the next billion-dollar ideas.
Recently, I’ve been observing other people’s lives. It seems like everyone has something meaningful in their life, whether it’s painting, Zumba, bike rides, or being in a relationship. With (FOMO), I tried activities like cycling and swimming, but I didn’t enjoy them. I thought these were huge efforts with no materialistic gains, so I quit.
So, I have accepted myself and continue with my old routine. We’ll see what happens.
Am I still missing something?
First off, let me say this—you’re not alone. Not by a long shot. What you’re describing is something a lot of men feel but rarely talk about. It’s not just you. It’s a shift that happens to many men around your age, and it often sneaks up quietly, catching you off guard. One day you’re a “go-getter” with endless energy and drive, and the next, life feels like an endless cycle of work, responsibilities, and a creeping sense of isolation. Let’s unpack that.
In your younger years, life was about building—career, family, experiences. You had clear goals, and every effort felt like it was leading to something tangible. You were moving forward, constantly achieving. But now, much of that has been built. You’ve got a family, financial stability, and a resume of life experiences. The problem is, nobody tells you what to do once the building phase slows down. What’s left after the big milestones?
The answer is often less obvious. It’s about sustaining and enriching, which feels less exciting but is no less important. Yet, without a clear next thing to chase, it’s easy to feel like you’re just going through the motions.
One of the hardest parts of this phase of life is the loneliness. You mention having no male friends, and that’s a common experience. Friendships for men often take a backseat as careers and families grow. But here’s the kicker: that loss of connection takes a toll. Humans are social creatures, and men especially thrive in shared experiences, whether it’s a pickup game of basketball, a round of golf, or just sitting around a fire with friends.
Without those connections, we retreat inward. We start living in our heads, overthinking, and second-guessing. That loneliness isn’t just an absence of friends; it’s a lack of a sounding board, a space to decompress, to feel heard and understood by people who get you.
You brought up that quote about men leading lives of quiet desperation. It’s famous for a reason—it resonates. But here’s the thing: accepting it as your reality doesn’t have to be the end of the story. That quiet desperation isn’t a life sentence; it’s a signal. It’s telling you something important is missing, and now’s the time to address it.
This phase of life isn’t just about enduring. It’s about redefining. You’ve spent years building for others—your family, your career—but you also need to invest in yourself.
What Can You Do?
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Reconnect with Yourself: What used to light you up? It doesn’t have to be a grand ambition—just something that made you feel alive. Maybe it’s a sport you gave up or a creative hobby you’ve been meaning to try. Revisit it. Start small. It’s not about mastery; it’s about joy.
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Rebuild Friendships: Friendships in adulthood don’t happen by accident; they require effort. Reach out to an old friend. Join a group or a club where like-minded people gather. Don’t overthink it—just show up.
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Talk to Someone: Whether it’s a therapist, a coach, or a trusted mentor, having a neutral person to talk to can help you sort through the noise in your head and find clarity. There’s no shame in seeking help—it’s one of the strongest moves you can make.
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Redefine Success: For years, success was about achieving external milestones. Now, it’s about finding meaning and fulfillment in the quieter parts of life. That might mean slowing down to really enjoy time with your kids, finding purpose in mentoring someone at work, or giving back to your community.
You’re not broken, and you’re not alone. What you’re feeling is a sign that you’re ready for a new chapter, one where you’re not just surviving but thriving in a way that goes deeper than titles, trophies, or tasks. Life isn’t about wishing the years away—it’s about learning how to make them count, even in the quiet moments.
It’s not easy, but you’ve already taken the first step by putting this out there. You’re asking the right questions. Now it’s time to take action, one small step at a time.
You’ve got this.