My girlfriend (26F) and I (28M) have been together for 8 months and are planning to move in together. We recently talked about finances, especially marriage, and realized our views don’t align.
She believes men should primarily provide and that, as a woman, she deserves more personal-use funds to maintain an elevated lifestyle. She justifies this by saying that men should honor and sacrifice for the women they’re with. For her, this means a 60-40 or 70-30 split in expenses, with me covering most of the costs.
I, however, prefer a partnership approach: combining incomes in a joint account, budgeting together, and building a shared life, rather than managing separate lifestyles and debating who pays for what. How can we bridge this gap?
Alright, let’s hit pause for a second because there’s a lot to unpack here. First, kudos for having this conversation now instead of brushing it under the rug. Money talks are some of the hardest in a relationship, and you’re being proactive—which is huge.
Here’s the deal: marriage is a partnership, not a business transaction. It’s about being on the same team, not splitting the scoreboard. Right now, it sounds like you and your girlfriend have fundamentally different views on what that team looks like. For her, it’s about traditional roles and the man carrying the financial weight as an act of honor and sacrifice. For you, it’s about combining resources and building something unified, together. Neither perspective is inherently wrong, but they’re definitely not on the same page.
This mismatch isn’t just about numbers or percentages—it’s about values and expectations. If those aren’t aligned, no budget plan in the world will save this relationship from resentment down the road. Before you move in together, you both need to have a real, honest conversation about what you believe about money, roles, and partnership—and why. Dig into where these beliefs come from. Is her perspective tied to how she was raised or what she’s seen work in other relationships? Same for you: why does the joint approach feel so important to you? Understanding the “why” behind these views is critical.
From there, you’ve got to decide if you’re willing to meet in the middle—or if this gap is too wide. Financial disagreements aren’t just “a thing”—they’re the thing that wrecks so many relationships. You need to be brutally honest with yourself: can you see this dynamic working long-term? Can she? If not, it’s better to face that now, before you’re splitting rent—or wedding vows.
At the end of the day, love is great, but shared values and a vision for the future are what make a relationship work. Take the time to figure out if you’re truly building the same dream—or if you’re just sharing the same address.