I (F30) had to protect my husband’s (M31) niece from a pitbull attack while he ran off. I’ve been ignoring him since, and I don’t know if I can forgive him.
We were in the backyard with his niece (5F) and nephew (a baby in a bassinet) when a pitbull attacked. It latched onto his niece, and I managed to kick it hard enough to dislodge its jaw. In the chaos, I yelled at my husband to grab the bear spray inside the house. Instead, he ran out the gate, shutting it behind him, leaving me alone with the dog, the niece, and the baby.
I moved the baby to a picnic table and his niece onto the BBQ to keep them out of reach while the dog kept lunging. Eventually, I fought it off with a shovel. I didn’t even realize it had bitten me twice until afterward.
He returned minutes later, packed us into the car, and drove to the hospital. Since then, I haven’t spoken to him. He’s frustrated that I’m giving him the silent treatment, but I can’t shake the feeling that if he’d grabbed the bear spray as I asked, I wouldn’t have had to go through this. He left me and two kids in a life-threatening situation.
I’m childfree and wasn’t even keen on babysitting, but I put myself in harm’s way for his family while he ran off. Any attraction I had for him is gone. I don’t know if I can forgive him or if this is something I should consider divorce over. Should I try to hear him out, or is this a dealbreaker?
Let’s get straight to it: what your husband did in that moment was flee. His instinct was purely self-preservation, and in doing so, he closed the gate behind him, ensuring his own safety without a single thought for you or the two helpless children left behind. He ignored your clear request for the bear spray—a tool you specifically keep for situations like this—and didn’t even consider other options like grabbing something from the house that could help—a poker, a knife, a baseball bat, anything. Instead, he left you to fend off a crazed dog while protecting two children who couldn’t defend themselves.
Let’s call it what it is: he abandoned you in a life-threatening moment. That’s not something you just brush off or excuse as “panic.” This wasn’t a random bad decision; this was a failure to protect the people who should matter most to him. And here’s the hard truth: if this is how he reacts when faced with danger, how can you trust him to stand by you in the future? If someone were to threaten you or harm you, would he run off again, leaving you to whatever fate awaits?
I’m not saying this lightly, but I don’t blame you for not feeling safe around him anymore. Safety—both physical and emotional—is foundational in a relationship. Without it, trust and intimacy erode. Only you can decide if this is something you can work through, but you’re well within your rights to seriously question whether this is a person you can rely on when it truly matters.
Your reaction—pulling back, avoiding him—makes sense. You’re not punishing him; you’re trying to process the betrayal and protect yourself. Take your time to decide what you need moving forward, but don’t ignore the reality of what this moment revealed. This isn’t just about a dog; it’s about trust, safety, and whether this relationship can give you the security you deserve.