This has been going on for a few years and has gotten more blatant overtime. It makes me question our friendship a little. I sorta understand, because he is focusing his life 100% on his career and his career field is something that I’m also interested in.
But at the same time I feel a bit exploited/used. He only asks me for business advice. At this point I feel like I should just withhold information.
First, let me say this: your feelings are valid. When you’re pouring into a friendship, offering your time, advice, and energy, and all you get in return are one-sided withdrawals, it’s normal to feel used. It’s like you’re running a bank for emotional and intellectual support, and your buddy is cashing checks without ever making a deposit. That’s exhausting, and it’s no wonder you’re questioning the friendship.
Take a step back for a moment. Friendships, like any meaningful relationship, are built on mutual respect and give-and-take. What you’re describing isn’t inherently a bad friendship—it’s just unbalanced. And that imbalance doesn’t have to stay the way it is. The first thing to do is call it what it is. You’re feeling exploited, and that’s okay to admit. Your friend might not even realize how one-sided things have become, especially if he’s so laser-focused on his career that he’s blind to the relational damage he’s causing. Naming the dynamic doesn’t make you mean or petty—it makes you honest.
The next step is having a conversation. It doesn’t have to be confrontational or dramatic, just clear and kind. Something like, “Hey, I really value our friendship, but I’ve noticed most of our interactions revolve around business advice. I love helping you out, but I’d also like to hear about your life outside of work and share what’s going on in mine.” This opens the door to recalibrate the relationship. It gives him a chance to see what’s been missing and make adjustments if he values the friendship, too.
It’s also important to reflect on what kind of friend you want to be. Relationships aren’t about keeping score, but they also shouldn’t leave you feeling drained or undervalued. If you feel like withholding information is the only way to protect yourself, that’s a sign the friendship might not be giving you what you need. And here’s a hard question to ask yourself: are you maintaining this dynamic because you’re hoping for some kind of professional gain or validation from him? If that’s the case, it’s time to get real about what you want out of this relationship and whether it’s worth the effort you’re putting in.
Ultimately, boundaries are your friend here. Boundaries aren’t about building walls—they’re about setting guardrails to protect your time, energy, and emotional health. If your friend only reaches out for business advice, you don’t have to drop everything to respond. You can take your time, or even decide not to respond at all. That doesn’t make you a bad friend; it makes you someone who values themselves.
At the end of the day, you deserve friendships that are rich, reciprocal, and rooted in genuine connection—not just transactional exchanges. By being honest with yourself and with your friend, you’re either giving the relationship a chance to rebalance or letting it fade if it’s no longer serving you. Either way, you’re choosing integrity and self-respect, and that’s always the right move.
You’ve got this. Be kind, be clear, and trust your instincts.