Hi, I’ve been dating my partner, let’s call them M for now for a little over a year. However early on in the relationship M cheated on me once and immediately came to me and told me out of guilt. I thought their apology was sweet and very real so I decided to give them another chance despite always saying I’d never give a cheater a second chance.
Well long story short, it’s been 11 months since they cheated on me and I still can’t find it in my heart to trust them the same way I did before. And I don’t know if I ever will.
I had never been cheated on before and I think this might have really given me trust issues. What should I do? I love them but I am very scared about so many things.
Trust is one of the most fragile things in a relationship. Once it’s broken, it’s incredibly hard—sometimes impossible—to rebuild. And what you’re feeling right now isn’t just about the betrayal; it’s about the gap between what you wanted to believe and what actually happened. That’s a hard thing to reconcile, no matter how much you love someone.
You gave M a second chance because their apology felt sincere, and that shows your capacity for grace and forgiveness. But here’s the catch: forgiveness and trust aren’t the same thing. Forgiveness is about letting go of the anger so you don’t carry the weight of it. Trust, on the other hand, is earned—and when it’s been shattered, it has to be rebuilt brick by brick.
The question here isn’t just about whether you can trust M again. It’s about whether you want to do the work it will take to rebuild that trust. Rebuilding isn’t passive—it requires effort from both sides. M has to consistently show you through their actions—not just words—that they are worthy of your trust. And you have to be honest with yourself about whether you’re ready to start opening that door again.
The fear you’re feeling is real and valid. You’re scared of being hurt again, of being vulnerable, of making the wrong choice. That fear is your brain’s way of trying to protect you, but it’s also holding you in a state of limbo. You can’t heal if you’re stuck in the in-between—half in love, half guarded.
So, ask yourself this: Is the love you have for M stronger than the fear and mistrust? Are they doing the work to make you feel safe, respected, and valued? And most importantly, do you believe in your gut that this relationship is worth fighting for?
If the answer is yes, then it might be time to seek professional guidance together—a counselor or therapist who can help you navigate this trust issue as a team. But if the answer is no, or if you feel like you’re the only one carrying the weight of this repair work, it’s okay to step away. You’re not obligated to stay in a relationship that leaves you feeling scared or uncertain, no matter how much you love someone.
Love alone isn’t enough; it has to be built on a foundation of trust, respect, and safety. If that foundation is gone, it might be time to let go so you can heal fully and rediscover what it feels like to love without fear.