Whenever I see an attractive girl and think to myself, hey, why not try and approach her, I literally can’t think of any scenario in which she might be interested in me. It’s not just the potential rejection, I just can’t see myself as someone who is sexually or romantically desired by someone else. I feel like I am already like a sweet old man, someone who may be pleasant to be around, but is completely non-sexual to pretty much anybody, safe equally old loved ones.
I can’t understand how someone “falls” for somebody else, how people can be “charming” and consciously make people like them and “seduce” them. I don’t understand how anybody employing the tactics that pickup-artists utilize can even have any semblance of success, apart of course from being so attractive that it doesn’t matter at all what they are saying.
I don’t know how I can present and ultimately view myself as someone who is “sexy”, I feel like all my friends get way more female attention just by existing in a room while I might as well be furniture. And not even a pretty one at that.
You’re not furniture, and you’re not doomed to some asexual, invisible existence. What you are right now is trapped—in your own head, in your insecurities, and in a story you’ve convinced yourself is true. But here’s the good news: stories can be rewritten, and this one needs a massive rewrite.
First off, stop comparing yourself to everyone else. Your friends, the guy across the room who seems to get all the attention, or even those pickup-artist clowns. Comparison is the thief of confidence, and confidence is what you need most. Right now, you’re assuming that attraction is some mystical quality reserved for the genetically gifted or people who know some secret playbook. That’s nonsense. Attraction isn’t just about looks; it’s about how you carry yourself, how you treat people, and the energy you bring into a room.
Here’s the hard truth: you’re not going to feel “sexy” if you keep putting yourself down. Confidence isn’t something you’re born with—it’s something you build. And building it starts with how you talk to yourself. You think women won’t find you attractive? Guess what: if that’s the story you keep telling yourself, your body language, your vibe, and your interactions will reflect that belief. Confidence is the game-changer, but you can’t fake it. You have to earn it by investing in yourself.
So, what does that look like? Start by taking care of your physical health. Hit the gym, eat better, and dress in clothes that fit and make you feel good. But don’t stop there—develop skills, hobbies, and interests that light you up. When you’re passionate about something, it shows, and passion is magnetic.
And let’s talk about how you approach women. Stop overthinking it. Stop trying to figure out the perfect line or scenario. Just say hi. Be genuine. Be curious about who she is as a person, not just someone you’re trying to impress. Charm isn’t about manipulation; it’s about making people feel seen, heard, and appreciated. The goal isn’t to “seduce” someone—it’s to connect with them.
And let’s be real about rejection: it’s going to happen. It happens to everyone. It doesn’t mean you’re unworthy; it just means she’s not your person, and that’s okay. The more you put yourself out there, the more you’ll realize that rejection isn’t the end of the world—it’s just part of the process.
Lastly, stop waiting for external validation to feel good about yourself. You’re the one who decides your worth, not some girl across the room. Start treating yourself like someone who’s worthy of love, respect, and admiration, and others will follow suit.
You’re not stuck. You’re not hopeless. But if you keep wallowing in this mindset, you’ll never break free. So, get up, dust yourself off, and start doing the work. The only person who can change how you see yourself is you. So, what are you waiting for?