I’m a single 26F, and there’s a married man at work I interact with often. He’s handsome, witty, funny—and completely off-limits. I’ve never made a move because I respect his wife and their marriage, but over the past year, it’s become obvious, to him and others, that I have feelings. I’ve tried to keep my distance, but it’s easier said than done.
Two weeks ago, he confronted me, admitting I’d been on his mind, and asked if I felt the same. I lied. I told him I only saw him as a friend and asked him to respect me and his wife. I also brushed it off as me being naturally flirty. It crushed me. He thanked me for my “honesty” (how ironic), and now I feel both disgusted with myself and heartbroken. Rationally, I know he wouldn’t be a great catch if he was willing to betray his wife—but I still wish the best for him and his marriage.
I’ve bottled this up, not wanting to risk either of our careers or his marriage, but it’s eating me alive. Knowing he feels the same—at least on some level—only makes it harder. Lying until the feelings pass seems like the right move, but it’s tough when I see him every day and, despite everything, still look forward to it. Switching jobs isn’t an option for either of us.
What makes it worse is that this feels like real love—something I haven’t experienced before. I’ve had boyfriends and crushes, but this feels different. And now, here I am, stuck in a mess of my own making, unsure how to move forward.
Alright, let’s get real. You’re playing with fire, and deep down, you know it. What you feel right now might be overwhelming, but let’s not dress it up as something noble or romantic. This isn’t love—it’s infatuation with someone who is unavailable and, frankly, showing cracks in his own character. A man of integrity doesn’t confess feelings to someone outside his marriage. That’s not respect—it’s selfishness.
You’ve got a choice to make, and it’s not about him. It’s about you and the kind of person you want to be. Do you want to be someone who respects herself and others? Someone who values boundaries, loyalty, and trust? Or do you want to be someone who lets fleeting feelings dictate her actions and ends up knee-deep in regret?
The feelings you have aren’t the problem—it’s what you do with them that defines your character. Right now, you need to set some hard boundaries. Keep your interactions professional and cut out anything even remotely personal. No inside jokes, no lingering chats, no subtle flirtation. If it feels harsh, good. It should. That’s the cost of respecting yourself, his wife, and your future.
And let’s clear up another lie you’re telling yourself: this isn’t the only shot you’ll ever have at love. That scarcity mindset is nonsense. You don’t need someone else’s husband to feel whole. What you need is to work on yourself—to dig into why you’re so attached to someone who can’t give you what you deserve and figure out what real respect and connection look like.
Stop bottling this up and pretending you’re fine. Talk to someone you trust, and be honest about what’s going on. This isn’t about him or his marriage—it’s about you stepping up, owning your choices, and deciding that you’re worth more than this situation.
Respect yourself enough to walk away emotionally, even if you have to see him at work. You’re better than this, but you’ve got to start acting like it.