So my wife (36F) today asks me how much I have in my savings account. We have been together for 6 years and married for one of those years in May. We don’t share bank accounts, her money is hers, and mine is mine. We are sitting cooking dinner in the air fryer when she just out of the blue asks, how much do you have in savings?
For me, it’s not any of her business and I told her that. Am I wrong for not telling her how much I have in savings?
Alright, let’s cut to the chase: if you’re married, your wife’s business is your business—and vice versa. This “my money, your money” arrangement you’ve got going might work for roommates or casual partners, but you’re not just dating anymore. You’re married. That means you’re supposed to be a team, not two people running separate lives who happen to share a kitchen and an air fryer.
Look, it’s not wrong to keep separate accounts if that’s what works for you both. But here’s the problem: your attitude of “it’s none of her business” doesn’t sound like partnership—it sounds like you’re drawing a battle line. That’s not a marriage; that’s two people avoiding hard conversations because it’s easier to build walls than bridges.
When your wife asked about your savings, it wasn’t just about the number. It was probably about trust, security, and whether or not you’re on the same page as partners. Instead of seeing this as an attack on your independence, consider that she might be testing the waters to figure out if she can rely on you—not just financially, but emotionally.
And let’s talk about your reaction: you shut her down. You made it clear that your savings are off-limits, not just for spending but even for a conversation. What kind of message do you think that sends? It says, “I don’t trust you with this part of my life,” whether you meant it that way or not. That kind of distrust will rot a marriage from the inside out.
Marriage is about showing up as a team—even when it’s messy, uncomfortable, or awkward. If you’re serious about this relationship lasting, it’s time to grow up and start acting like you’re in it together. That means sitting down and having a real conversation about money—not just who pays for what, but what your financial goals are, what you’re scared of, and how you can support each other.
So, are you wrong for not telling her how much you have in savings? Technically, no. But you’re wrong if you think shutting her out like this is going to lead to a strong, healthy marriage. The truth is, if you don’t trust her enough to share something as basic as your savings balance, you’ve got bigger problems to deal with than whether or not you’re going to the casino.
Step up. Be a husband, not just a guy with a ring on his finger. Sit down with her and say, “I didn’t handle that well. Let’s talk about why this matters to you and what our goals are as a couple.” Marriage isn’t about protecting your turf; it’s about building something together. Start acting like it.