I (F25) have been with my boyfriend (M29) for over two years. We love each other, and until recently, our relationship felt amazing—like we never left the honeymoon phase. But the past few months have been different. We’ve been fighting nonstop, and almost every argument ends up being about what I’m doing wrong. It always escalates to him saying we need to reevaluate our relationship or that he’s not sure he wants this anymore.
When he says that, I immediately back down, apologize, and beg him to stay. The fight ends, but nothing feels resolved—it’s like it just stops when he pulls that line. Now, our relationship feels like something I’m begging for, like I’m the only one trying to make it work. Breaking up would be hard since we live together, share a dog, and are so intertwined with each other’s families and friends.
I’m not sure if this is something I need to work through or if it’s manipulative behavior. What do you think?
Constantly threatening to break up is manipulative because it shifts the focus away from solving the issue at hand and onto the survival of the relationship itself. It’s a power move that stops productive conversations in their tracks, leaving you scrambling to save the relationship rather than addressing what actually needs to be addressed. Over time, this creates an unbalanced dynamic where one person’s feelings and concerns are consistently dismissed.
Fighting is normal, and so is working through disagreements. But healthy conflict should lead to resolution, not to a situation where one person has to beg the other to stay. If your boyfriend keeps pulling the “I’m not sure about this anymore” card, it’s not just shutting down arguments—it’s silencing you. It’s forcing you to walk on eggshells, afraid to bring up what matters to you because you know the fight will end with you apologizing and him threatening to leave. That’s not conflict resolution; it’s avoidance with an extra dose of control.
Ask yourself: Why are you fighting so hard for a relationship where your needs are minimized and where it feels like you’re the only one trying to make it work? Do you want to spend your life in a dynamic where you’re constantly apologizing just to keep the peace?
You need to have an honest and difficult conversation with him. Lay everything out: how these threats make you feel, how unresolved arguments are piling up, and how this isn’t sustainable. If he’s willing to engage and work with you, there’s a path forward. But if he’s not—if he keeps relying on breakup threats to control the narrative—you need to decide whether this is the kind of relationship you want to keep fighting for. Because constantly begging for someone to stay is no way to live.