We’re getting married in June, but we’ve been fighting a lot over money. Initially, we agreed to no bridal party to save costs, but I really wanted at least one person each. I even offered to sell my stocks to cover it, but he got upset, saying it’s “his money.” This led to a big fight, and my dad offered to pay for the costs (dinner, gifts, dress, etc.).
Things got worse when I invited my bridesmaid over. He was upset about the extra cleaning and hosting, even though my mom handled it. He accused me of overspending everywhere, said we’re depleting our savings for the wedding, and complained he has to sacrifice his “pocket money.” He yelled instead of having a proper conversation, bringing up old issues like my past overspending and my parents helping me financially. I told him that had nothing to do with him, but he wouldn’t stop.
I’ve made big changes in my spending habits—I mainly buy groceries or occasional home items like a juicer or Christmas lights. Still, he kept pointing fingers, saying everything has to be 50-50 now. I disagreed because we previously had a different arrangement. For example, I don’t contribute to his car payments or insurance since he drives it most of the time (I work from home), but we both contributed to the down payment. He lost it when I pointed this out.
Then he said I shouldn’t live in the house we bought together if I’m not paying for the car, claiming that if he’s not home to use it, I shouldn’t either. He even told me not to use the car anymore, and I said fine. His logic about the house is ridiculous—if he’s not there to use the heating, I shouldn’t be either.
Now, he’s giving me the silent treatment, only speaking to me when necessary, like to ask about wedding planning or the spreadsheet. There’s no follow-up on my ring or anything else involving money. He’s acting cold, even though my parents are staying with us and covering costs. They think he’s being petty and have suggested calling off the wedding, even if it means losing deposits. But selling the house would be a financial loss because we bought at a high price.
I’ve lost interest in the wedding and don’t understand why he’s still planning it when he won’t even talk to me. What would you do about his silent treatment and this whole situation?
Alright, let’s cut through the noise here because this situation isn’t just about budgets or bridal parties—it’s about the foundation of your relationship. I’m going to say what you already know but maybe don’t want to admit: this isn’t how two people who love and respect each other act when they’re supposed to be building a life together. It’s not about wedding details, car payments, or who pays for the damn juicer. This is about trust, communication, and shared values—things that should be rock-solid before you walk down the aisle.
Your fiancé isn’t just frustrated about money; he’s resentful. That resentment is bubbling up in every interaction, every passive-aggressive jab, and every silent treatment he throws your way. The fact that he’s calculating who uses the house or the car more? That’s not just petty—it’s outright hostile. Marriage isn’t about keeping score. It’s not about “who paid for what” or “who owes whom.” It’s about being on the same team, even when the budget is tight or things feel unfair. Right now, you’re not on the same team. You’re barely even in the same stadium.
Here’s what’s worse: he’s not communicating with you. Yelling, blaming, and pointing fingers isn’t communication. It’s emotional immaturity. Giving you the silent treatment is worse—it’s emotional withdrawal, which is one of the clearest signs of a relationship in serious trouble. And let me be real with you: if this is how he handles conflict now, what happens when life really punches you in the mouth? What happens when there’s a sick kid, a lost job, or an unexpected crisis? Marriage amplifies everything—the good and the bad. And right now, you’re staring down a whole lot of bad.
But let’s turn the mirror for a second because this isn’t just on him. You’re bringing your own baggage into this. You’ve admitted to overspending in the past, and even though you’ve worked to change, it sounds like there’s a pattern of relying on your parents to bail you out. That can create resentment too, especially if he feels like he’s constantly cleaning up after choices you’ve made. The problem is, instead of dealing with those feelings in a healthy way, he’s using them as weapons against you.
Here’s the hard truth: you can’t fix this by pretending everything’s fine and moving forward with the wedding. This isn’t just a few pre-wedding jitters. This is a glaring sign that the two of you need to hit pause and figure out whether you even want the same life. Do you trust each other? Do you feel safe enough to have hard conversations without it turning into a blowout fight? Do you even like each other right now?
If the answer to any of those questions is “no,” then you need to stop wedding planning and start working on your relationship. That might mean therapy—together and individually—or it might mean calling the whole thing off. And listen, calling it off would suck. It would hurt like hell. But it’s nothing compared to the pain of marrying someone who doesn’t respect you, doesn’t trust you, and doesn’t treat you as an equal.
You deserve a marriage where both people feel valued, respected, and loved—not a constant negotiation about who owes what. If you can’t build that kind of relationship with him, then you’re not just losing a deposit on some vendors—you’re saving yourself years of heartache. Do the hard work now, or you’ll be doing it later with a lot more at stake. Choose wisely.