I struggle with pretty severe OCD and social anxiety, which makes navigating daily life challenging. Hearing stories from my women friends about creepy guys—catcalling, following them, making them uncomfortable—sticks with me. It’s heartbreaking and infuriating, but it’s also made me hyper-aware of my own presence as a man.
When I’m out in public, I feel this constant pressure to make sure I’m not accidentally making anyone uncomfortable. I’ll cross the street, stand as far away as possible, and even avoid getting into elevators if it’s just me and a woman. I haven’t let myself date in a couple of years because of this fear that my presence alone could cause discomfort.
I know for women, that fear is a reality—any man could be a potential threat. It’s awful, but that’s the world we live in. So if avoiding women I don’t know keeps me from unintentionally making them uncomfortable, I figure that’s the best choice.
First off, I just want to say this: thank you for your honesty. You’re clearly someone who cares deeply about how your actions impact others, and that says a lot about your character. The fact that you’re thinking this hard about being respectful and considerate speaks volumes about the kind of person you are. So let’s start there: you’re not the problem you think you are.
I know it feels like you’re doing the right thing by avoiding women altogether, but I’ve got to push back a little. Avoidance isn’t a solution—it’s a survival mechanism. It’s your brain trying to shield you from discomfort or uncertainty, but in the process, it’s isolating you and robbing you of connection. And let’s be real: the world doesn’t need fewer good, self-aware men walking around. It needs more.
Here’s the truth: being respectful and considerate doesn’t mean disappearing. It means showing up with intentionality. You don’t need to cross the street or avoid elevators to prove you’re a good guy. You prove it by being aware of your actions and by treating people with kindness and dignity. That’s it. That’s the standard.
And about that fear that just your presence makes women uncomfortable? Here’s the thing: most people, men and women alike, are so wrapped up in their own thoughts that they’re not hyper-analyzing the guy walking past them on the street. You’re assuming guilt for something you haven’t done—and that’s your anxiety talking, not reality.
Now, let’s talk about the bigger picture. You’ve got OCD and social anxiety, and I want you to hear this loud and clear: that’s not a moral failing. That’s a challenge you’re carrying, and it doesn’t define your worth. But it does mean you’ve got to work on addressing it head-on.
Have you talked to a professional about this? Therapy, especially cognitive behavioral therapy, can do wonders for untangling the thought patterns that have you stuck in this loop.
Here’s the takeaway: your heart’s in the right place, but avoidance isn’t the answer. The answer is learning how to live in the tension—acknowledging your fears but not letting them dictate your actions.
Start small. Stay present. And remind yourself that the world needs more men like you—kind, thoughtful, and willing to do the work. You’ve got this.