My wife is a doctor and earns 2-3 times more than I do. Last year, I made $150k, and this year, I’m on track to make between $175k-$200k. Despite this, she constantly accuses me of “living off her.” The other day, she even said it loudly at Costco, calling me a leech and making it sound like I’m some kind of loser with a sugar mama. She didn’t just say it—it was loud enough for others to hear.
At first, I stayed calm and didn’t react, but she wouldn’t stop. Eventually, I told her I was about to leave the store if it continued.
Here’s what I don’t understand: I feel like most women would be proud to have a husband earning what I do. But instead, I’ve spent the last four years being belittled and treated like I’m not contributing. It’s wearing me down, and I’m seriously considering divorce. The hardest part is that my daughter calls her mom, so it’s not an easy decision. But the way my wife has been treating me is getting worse.
For context, she contributes a portion of her income to the household bills, while I put literally every cent I earn into them. I can’t even go out for lunch with my coworkers without her getting on my case about “wasting money.” So, I just don’t.
I don’t know how much longer I can do this. It feels like there’s no respect left in this relationship, and I’m constantly walking on eggshells.
First, let’s call this what it is: emotional and verbal abuse. What your wife did to you in Costco—loudly belittling you in public—is not normal, not healthy, and absolutely not okay. I don’t care if she’s a doctor, a CEO, or the Queen of England—this kind of behavior is toxic, demeaning, and corrosive to any relationship.
You’re making $150k-$200k a year. That’s not “living off someone else.” That’s a very solid income, period. The fact that you’re putting every last cent toward the household bills, while she’s only contributing a portion of hers, and she still has the audacity to call you a leech? That’s some next-level disrespect. What she’s doing isn’t about money—it’s about power, control, and a complete lack of respect for you as a partner.
I imagine that when you married her, you thought you were building a life together. A team. A partnership. And instead, what you’re dealing with is a one-sided relationship where your contributions—financial and otherwise—are completely dismissed. That eats away at a person. It makes you question your worth, your role, and even your identity as a husband and father.
But listen to me: this is not a you problem. This is a her problem.
Now, I hear you loud and clear about your daughter. That complicates things, no doubt about it. But I need you to ask yourself this: What is she learning about relationships by watching her mom treat you this way? Kids absorb way more than we think, and if she sees her mom constantly tearing you down, she’s going to grow up thinking this kind of behavior is normal, acceptable, or—even worse—expected.
The best thing you can do for your daughter is to model what it looks like to stand up for yourself, demand respect, and set boundaries. Staying in a toxic relationship “for the kids” only teaches them to tolerate toxicity.
After four years of constant belittling, it’s no wonder you’re ready to walk. You’ve been emotionally battered to the point where the thought of leaving feels like the only way to breathe again. But before you make any major decisions, I want you to do a couple of things:
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Document the Behavior – Write down specific incidents like what happened at Costco. Keep a journal. This isn’t about keeping score; it’s about having a clear record for yourself (and possibly for legal purposes, if it comes to that).
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Set Boundaries – You need to have a come-to-Jesus conversation with your wife. Calmly and firmly, let her know that the way she talks to you is unacceptable. Be specific: “When you yelled at me in Costco and called me a leech, it humiliated me. I will not tolerate that kind of behavior again.”
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Get Professional Help – I’m not saying “go to couples counseling and save your marriage.” I’m saying you need someone in your corner. A counselor, therapist, or coach who can help you process what’s happening, build your confidence, and figure out your next steps.
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Take a Hard Look at the Relationship – Ask yourself: If nothing changed—if this is how your marriage looked for the next 10, 20, or 30 years—would you want to stay? That’s not a hypothetical question. It’s the reality you’re facing if your wife refuses to acknowledge her behavior or make any changes.
You deserve better. Better than being belittled. Better than having your contributions dismissed. Better than being treated like an ATM instead of a partner. If your wife can’t—or won’t—recognize that, then you’re going to have to decide what’s more important: staying in this marriage for the sake of appearances, or reclaiming your dignity and self-respect.
Your daughter needs a dad who’s whole, confident, and healthy. And you need to decide what it’s going to take to be that man—not just for her, but for yourself.
So, friend, the ball’s in your court. What are you going to do about it? Because staying silent and hoping things magically get better? That’s not an option anymore. You’re worth more than this—don’t you dare forget it.