I’m 37 so dead center millennial. I’m happy for anyone who is able to get a house who wants one, but my wife (35) and I have been living together and working for almost 13 years and have since been unable to crawl out of the eternal renting hole.
When I hear someone younger than me has a house I feel like I failed somehow, or that I’m stupid for not chasing a house in my early 20s or something.
I don’t wish badly on anyone who gets their own house or anything. this is just about my own personal inadequacies.
Man, I hear you. And I want to start by saying this: you’re not broken, and you’re not a failure.
You’re feeling what a lot of people in your generation are feeling—this deep, nagging frustration that life isn’t panning out the way it was “supposed to.” That the scoreboard doesn’t look like you thought it would by now. And when you see younger people hitting milestones you’ve been grinding toward for over a decade, it stings. Not because you wish them harm, but because it pokes at that raw part of you that wonders, What did I do wrong?
Let’s pause for a second and zoom out. Because here’s the truth: you didn’t fail. The game changed.
You and your wife have been working hard for 13 years in an economy that has made it harder than ever to buy a home. Housing prices have skyrocketed, wages haven’t kept up, and renting has become its own kind of financial trap. You didn’t “miss out” because you were lazy or irresponsible—you were operating within the reality that was in front of you.
And I’m going to push on you a little here—because I think there’s something deeper than just a house going on. The fact that this specifically makes you feel inferior tells me that somewhere along the way, you attached your value as a man, as a provider, as a person—to a mortgage.
And brother, you are so much more than your ability to own property.
You have 13 years of a life built with your wife. You’ve endured hardships, grown together, made sacrifices. That’s worth more than any house.
So what now? You gotta reframe the way you see this. Instead of looking at homeownership as some final stamp of success, start asking: What kind of life do I actually want? Maybe a house is part of that, maybe it’s not. But stop measuring yourself against other people’s timelines. The only timeline that matters is yours.
And one last thing—don’t let shame keep you stuck. If owning a home is something you and your wife truly want, get around people who can help you make a plan. Talk to a financial coach. Get creative. But do it from a place of hope, not self-hatred.
You are not behind. You are not less than. You are not stupid. You’re a man who is showing up every day, working hard, and doing his best. And that, my friend, is more valuable than any square footage.