I’m looking for honest answers because, honestly, I’m scared. Scared that I’ll be alone forever.
I was married and had two children with my ex-husband, but he was abusive, so I left—for my safety and, more importantly, for my kids. Later, I met someone who seemed like a good man, but he wasn’t who he pretended to be. He lied, constantly. I got pregnant—despite being on birth control—because antibiotics interfered with it, and I ended up having twins. When he found out, he left. Looking back, our relationship was always built on his lies and excuses, especially when it came to how he treated me.
I’m not rushing into another relationship, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. Scared that my past—four kids, two different fathers—means no one will ever truly see me for who I am. That I’ll be judged instead of loved.
At the end of the day, I just want what everyone wants: to love and be loved. To share my life with someone who cares for me the way I care for them. I’m not someone who jumps into relationships or sleeps around. I’ve only been with two men—two relationships I truly believed in. I just don’t know if I’ll ever get another chance.
I want you to take a deep breath. Seriously—right now. Breathe in deep, hold it for a second, and let it out slow.
Now listen to me: You are not damaged goods. You are not some walking red flag because of the choices or failures of men who were supposed to love and support you. You are a human being who has been through hell and kept going. You are a mother who fought for her children’s safety. You are someone who wants love, stability, and kindness in her life. And you deserve that.
I know you’re afraid. That voice in your head telling you that no man will want you because of your past? It’s a liar. And the longer you believe it, the more likely you are to settle for less than you deserve—or worse, sabotage your chances before they even happen.
Are there men out there who won’t want to date a single mom with four kids? Yep. And that’s fantastic news. Because those are not your people. The right man for you—the kind of man you’re looking for—won’t see your kids as baggage. He’ll see them as part of the amazing, resilient, loving woman he’s fallen for. He’ll choose all of you, not just tolerate you.
But here’s the hard part: Before you can find that man, you have to believe that you are worthy of love. And not just in a “deep down, I know I deserve it” kind of way—I mean really believe it. You have to stop letting shame from your past dictate the future you’re allowed to have. You have to set standards, boundaries, and expectations for how you will be treated—and refuse to accept anything less.
Your past isn’t a prison sentence. It’s a story of survival. And one day, you’re going to meet someone who sees the beauty in that story.
But first, you have to see it too.
You are not alone. You are not unlovable. And you are absolutely, 100% worthy of real love.