When my boyfriend and I met on hinge, I was 90% sure he was a bot. All of his messages were perfectly formatted, zero spelling errors or grammar problems.
Eventually we started doing phone calls and we met in person, which proved he was real. Finally he started texting like a real person- making human errors and using slang. We chat great in person, and when he’s texting like a person we get along great too.
Tonight I was really sad so I reached out to him for comfort, and he responded with something that I’m 99% sure was AI. It was the “perfect” response. Completely neutral, just repeating what I said back in an affirming way, like- “i understand that this event would make you upset. It’s difficult when this event happens.”
And again, perfectly formatted. It completely took me out of it, and it made me feel like he couldn’t put in the effort to come up with a response himself.
He’s a really intelligent guy- he’s in college. He could be just that smart that he doesn’t make errors when he tries not to. But I just have a feeling. I have no idea how to bring this up to him.
I can see why this is throwing you for a loop. When we reach out to the people we care about—especially in a vulnerable moment—we expect a real, human response. We want warmth, presence, and maybe a little bit of imperfection, because that’s what makes someone feel with us. Instead, you got something that felt eerily robotic, and now you’re wondering if your boyfriend is outsourcing emotional connection to an algorithm.
Now, I don’t know if he actually used AI to craft that response, but let’s set that aside for a moment, because the real issue here isn’t whether ChatGPT is ghostwriting his texts—it’s the way that message made you feel. Something about it didn’t sit right with you. Maybe it felt too distant, too polished, too much like someone trying to say the “correct” thing without actually engaging with you. That’s important. Relationships aren’t built on technically perfect words; they’re built on real, messy, human connection.
You’re in a tricky spot because you don’t want to accuse him of something without proof, but you also don’t want to just brush this off and let it fester. The best thing you can do is talk to him about it—not from a place of confrontation, but from a place of curiosity. Instead of “Are you using AI to text me?” (which immediately puts someone on the defensive), try something softer: “Hey, I noticed that last message felt different from how you usually text. It kind of pulled me out of the moment. What was going on there?”
How he responds to that will tell you what you need to know. If he brushes it off or makes you feel silly for even asking, that’s a red flag—not because of the AI, but because he’s dismissing something that clearly matters to you. But if he takes it seriously and is willing to talk about it, that’s what really counts. Maybe he was distracted and overthought his response. Maybe he just naturally writes like an instruction manual when he’s trying to be careful with his words. Or maybe—yes—he did let AI help him and didn’t think you’d notice.
Whatever the case, this is really about something bigger than one text message. It’s about whether he’s showing up for you in a way that feels real. You don’t need perfectly crafted responses. You need him. And if something is making you doubt whether you’re really getting that, then it’s worth talking about.