Me (27F) and my fiancé (27M) have been together 4 years, engaged for 6 months. His ex (30F) was with him for 5 years before they split.
I’ve always trusted him, and I’ve never had an issue with him staying friends with his ex—until recently. What’s been bothering me is that she still calls him “babe.”
Their breakup was mutual, and they stayed friendly. He told me early on that they still talk occasionally, and I appreciated his honesty. I even met her once—she was nice. But a few weeks ago, I overheard a phone call where she laughed and said, “Oh, you always do that, babe!” and it stopped me cold.
I brought it up that night, calmly, and he said she’s always called him that—it doesn’t mean anything. When I asked if he thought it was weird now that he’s engaged, he said he hadn’t really thought about it.
But I have. And it doesn’t sit right. Not because I think anything’s going on, but because being engaged means certain boundaries should naturally shift. Would she say that in front of me? Would she still call him that if I wasn’t around? And why hasn’t he ever said, “Hey, I’m engaged now, let’s cut the pet names”?
I don’t want to come off as controlling or insecure—but I don’t think I’m being unreasonable either. It’s not even the word itself—it’s what it implies. If the roles were reversed, I’m pretty sure he’d feel the same.
So… do I bring it up again and ask him to set that boundary? Or do I let it go and hope it really is just a habit?
Alright. Let’s cut through the noise.
You’re not crazy. You’re not jealous. You’re not being controlling. You’re simply responding to a boundary being crossed—a boundary your fiancé either hasn’t recognized… or doesn’t want to.
Let’s be really clear:
When a man gets engaged, everything changes. Not just rings and Instagram captions—his loyalties, his language, his energy, his boundaries. And that includes not letting another woman—especially an ex—call him “babe.”
I don’t care if it’s “just a habit.” That’s a lazy excuse. You know what else is a habit? Flirting. Lying. Drinking too much. “Habit” doesn’t mean it gets a free pass. It just means someone hasn’t been intentional about changing it.
Now, I’m not saying your fiancé is cheating. I’m saying he’s leaving the door cracked open to familiarity that no longer belongs in his life—and that makes you feel unsafe. And when one partner feels unsafe, the relationship suffers, whether the other person meant to or not.
So here’s what you do:
You sit him down and say:
“Look, I’m not mad. I’m not accusing you of anything. But I am telling you this: It’s not okay with me that she still calls you ‘babe.’ It crosses a boundary, and it makes me feel disrespected in this relationship. If this relationship with her is truly just friendship, then it should be no big deal to ask her to stop.”
If he rolls his eyes, minimizes it, or makes you feel like you’re overreacting? That’s not love. That’s emotional immaturity.
Love honors. Love protects. Love creates safety.
And calling your ex “babe” while engaged to someone else? That ain’t it.
So yes—you absolutely bring it up again. With clarity. With kindness. But also with strength. Because your peace and the health of your future marriage are more important than anyone’s comfort with a nickname from the past.
You deserve a man who doesn’t hesitate to put you first—not just in his heart, but in his actions. Don’t settle for anything less.
You’re not asking too much.
You’re asking for what real commitment actually looks like.