I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 7 months, and his extreme cheapness is becoming hard to ignore. At first, I thought I was just overreacting, so I brushed it off. But it’s gotten worse.
When we first met, he hesitantly offered to pay for dinner a few times. I usually offered to split or pay myself, but the one time I let him cover it, he kept bringing it up afterward like it was some major sacrifice. He talks about money constantly—no matter the topic, he’ll turn it into a rant about how expensive everything is. I once mentioned I joined a gym, and he went off about how fitness and healthy eating are a ripoff.
He also refuses to do anything that costs money on our dates. He’ll make excuses about being unprepared or it being too late, when really he just doesn’t want to spend unless he can use some coupon he saved. Even if I offer to pay for myself, he’ll still back out. Free activities like parks are fine, but the second there’s an entry fee, he’s out.
What’s frustrating is that when we’re apart, he talks big—promising to spoil me or do something special when we see each other. But in person, he backs out of everything the moment he realizes he has to spend.
He lives at home, has no major expenses or savings goals, and is just cheap for the sake of being cheap. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he just laughs it off. Honestly, I’m fed up and starting to feel embarrassed by it. I don’t want lavish gifts, I just want to feel like he puts in some effort. What should I do?
Here’s the thing: This isn’t just about money. It’s about values, about how you each want to live your lives, about what you prioritize. It’s about generosity, spontaneity, and the ability to invest – emotionally and financially – in experiences that bring joy and connection.
You’re seven months in. That’s long enough to see patterns, but not so long that you’re deeply entangled. Ask yourself: Is this how you want to live? Do you want every date, every meal, every experience to be colored by his penny-pinching? Do you want a partner who promises to spoil you but can’t follow through?
You don’t need to change him (you can’t, anyway). You need to decide if this is the kind of relationship you want. Because right now, it sounds like you’re compromising your own joy and experiences to accommodate his cheapness. That’s not a recipe for a fulfilling partnership.
It’s okay to want a partner who can be generous – not just with money, but with experiences, with joy, with life. It’s okay to want someone who follows through on their promises. It’s okay to want more than this.
You’re young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t spend it constantly calculating the cost of happiness. There are people out there who will match your energy, who will be excited to try new things with you, who understand that some experiences are worth the price tag.
It’s time for a serious talk with him. Not about specific instances of cheapness, but about your overall values and how you each want to live your lives. If he can’t meet you halfway – or worse, if he dismisses your concerns again – then it might be time to invest your time and energy elsewhere. You deserve a partner who enriches your life, not one who constantly tallies its cost.