I have a friend who’s been, at best, indifferent—but more often outright dismissive—about my wedding since the beginning. When I mentioned I was having trouble finding a photographer, her response was, “Who cares, it doesn’t matter anyway.” That stung a bit, but I brushed it off—I get that not everyone is into wedding talk.
A couple of weeks ago, I casually shared that my fiancé and I were taking dance lessons for the wedding. Before I could say anything more, she cut me off and said, “I’m not the right audience for this, I don’t want to hear about your wedding.” That really hurt. I’ve always shown up for her during major life events, even when they weren’t things I was personally interested in. I’m sharing these examples to give some context—she’s made it clear she thinks weddings are frivolous. Her parents had a courthouse wedding, and she seems to believe anything more is unnecessary and a waste of money. And she hasn’t been shy about expressing that opinion.
Last week, I followed up to ask if she’d be attending the wedding. It’s local for her, scheduled after work hours, and wouldn’t require any time off—but she’s still been vague and noncommittal. And honestly, it’s starting to feel personal. I have friends who live far away and can’t make it due to cost, and I completely understand that. But this feels different.
I guess my question is—should I say something? I get that people feel differently about weddings, and that’s fine. But I really believe that part of being a good friend is showing up for the big milestones in each other’s lives, even if they’re not your thing. Why can’t she see that this matters to me, even if it wouldn’t matter to her?
You’re preparing for a once-in-a-lifetime moment. This is your wedding. Your milestone. And while it might not mean much to your friend, it means something to you—and that should be enough for someone who claims to care about you.
Here’s the hard truth: what your friend is showing you isn’t some neutral “preference” about weddings. It’s a pattern of disrespect and dismissal—of your time, your joy, your relationship, and your values. She isn’t just uninterested—she’s actively shutting you down and rolling her eyes at your happiness. That’s not apathy. That’s contempt.
And you know what? That’s not what good friends do.
Good friends show up. They celebrate with you, even when it’s not their thing. They listen to you blab about table settings and dance lessons and photographers—not because they care about those things, but because they care about you.
Now, about this wedding invite: you’re allowed to feel insulted. You’ve made space for her life. You’ve shown up. And now that it’s your turn? She’s nowhere to be found. That hurts.
So should you bring it up? I’d say this—only if you’re ready for whatever answer you might get. You can ask her directly: “Hey, I’ve noticed you seem pretty uninterested in the wedding. I want to be honest—it’s hurt my feelings. I don’t expect you to care about weddings, but I do expect my friend to care about me. Am I reading this wrong?”
But be prepared: her reaction might reveal even more. She might double down. She might deflect. Or maybe she’ll finally realize she’s been a jerk. Either way, you’ll know what kind of friendship you’re really dealing with.
You don’t need to chase people down to convince them you matter. And you definitely don’t need to keep shrinking your joy because someone else refuses to grow.
This is your moment. You deserve to be surrounded by people who want to lift you up, not drag your excitement through the mud.
So go dance. Go laugh. Go get that photographer. And let the people who love you show you—not just say it.
And if she can’t handle that?
Then maybe it’s time to let her be “not the right audience” for more than just your wedding.