After high school, I moved to a new city for college and found a nice apartment where I’ve been living ever since. About four months ago, a friend in my program asked if she could stay with me four days a week to avoid the long commute from her home. I agreed.
At first, it was fine. She doesn’t help with groceries (except buying yogurt for herself), doesn’t chip in for utilities, and doesn’t do chores—but she’s not messy, so I let it go.
Yesterday, she went grocery shopping just for herself and picked up some toilet paper. I noticed she also bought a cheese I love, so I asked if I could have a piece. She said yes—then later asked me to pay for half the cheese and half the toilet paper because “we’re both going to use it” and she’s a broke student.
That really ticked me off. So I sat down, calculated her share of food, utilities, and everything else over the last four months, and gave her the bill. I told her she could either pay or move out since we’re now splitting everything evenly.
Now she’s upset—saying she doesn’t have the money, which I already knew. She refuses to get a job because it’s “not worth her time.” Meanwhile, I’m also a broke student—but I’ve been working, studying, and unknowingly supporting her this whole time.
You gave her kindness. You opened your home. You gave her your time, your groceries, your utilities. And when she decided to keep taking and then had the audacity to ask for money over a block of cheese—yeah, I get why you snapped
You’ve been generous with your space, your food, your utilities, your time. And now it feels like that kindness is being taken for granted. That stings.
But let’s zoom out for a second. What you’re going through right now is painful, but it’s also a masterclass in communication and boundaries.
Here’s the hard truth: this all should’ve been talked through from the very beginning. When someone moves into your space—whether it’s for four days or forty—it’s not just about friendship anymore. It becomes a living arrangement. And living arrangements need clear expectations. Who’s paying for what? What chores are shared? What happens if things feel unfair?
You’re learning that people don’t know your unspoken rules, and assuming they do will always lead to resentment. That’s not on her—that’s part of growing up and learning how to navigate adult relationships.
Now, that doesn’t mean she gets a pass for taking advantage. Not at all. She’s old enough to know that sponging off someone else while refusing to get a job isn’t okay. But you’ve got to own your side too: you didn’t lay the foundation, and now the cracks are showing.
This is your opportunity to step into clarity and maturity. Have the uncomfortable conversation. Be honest about how you feel and what you need moving forward. And next time, don’t wait for frustration to build—set expectations early, and revisit them often.
Proud of you for finally speaking up. Now take the next step—have the real talk.