I’ve been with my girlfriend for five years, and I love her deeply. But last weekend, she confessed that she slept with her male friend (27) after they went for a drive in her new car. According to her, he repeatedly pressured her for sex, touching her until she eventually gave in. I was devastated. For the past few days, I’ve been in no contact, barely eating, numb.
I reached out to her for closure, and she told me she doesn’t love him, only me, and regrets giving in under pressure. Wanting to salvage our relationship, I asked her to block him so we could work through this. She agreed—but the next morning, she messaged me saying she’d unblocked him because she doesn’t want to lose either me or her friend. She insists nothing will happen again and refuses to choose between us.
I’m confused and hurt. Why would she want to keep a “friend” who pressured her into sex? Am I wrong for feeling betrayed? What should I do?
I need you to hear me: this situation is NOT about love anymore. This is about respect, boundaries, and self-worth.
She slept with another man. Full stop. Her explanation? “He pressured me, he touched me, so I gave in.” That is a massive red flag—either she was assaulted (and needs serious help and protection), or she’s minimizing a decision she made under pressure because she doesn’t want to own it. Either way, she’s still talking to this guy. Still calling him a friend. Still prioritizing him enough to unblock him after she told you she wouldn’t.
You asked her to draw a line in the sand, and she erased it the next day. She’s telling you loud and clear: “I will not choose you over him.” And I know you love her, but man, love without respect is chaos. Love without trust is poison. You’re fighting for something she’s not fighting for. She’s showing you exactly who she is—believe her.
You’re not crazy for being hurt. You’re not wrong for wanting to be chosen. But right now, you’re holding onto a version of her that no longer exists. Five years is a long time, but it’s not worth sacrificing your dignity, sanity, and peace for someone who won’t protect your relationship.
My advice? Step back. Get clarity. Find people you trust and tell them what’s going on. And unless she’s willing to completely cut ties with this man and rebuild trust brick by brick—you’ve got to walk away. Because staying in this is saying you’re okay with this. And you’re not. You deserve better. Period.