Take A Break From The Grind To Remember That There Is A Big, Beautiful World Out There Waiting To Be Explored!
By Stephen Passman
1. They’re Manipulative
This is the biggest one. Both women and men do it. I see it all the time — someone getting a man to buy dinner or drinks with no interest of getting to know the person, or a man expecting sex for doing so. Manipulative behavior is often not seen at first because of the initial superficial interactions and the “puppy love” effect. Manipulation is when someone acts or uses something or someone with a maleficent or aggressive intention in order to induce a desired action. Manipulation is emotional abuse (Fjeltstad, 2014).
Other big ones to watch out for:
a) Guilt tripping someone into doing something they don’t want to do.
b) Intimidation, using fear, or verbal abuse for creating submission for some action.
c) Positive/ Negative Reinforcement (E.g. Only saying I love you only after someone does something “good” or pleasing to the partner).
d) Anyone who “presses your buttons” or uses your insecurities to get you to do what they want you to do.
e) Giving gifts with strings attached or crossing your boundaries often.
Someone who is manipulative must be in control. So If you find these circumstances to be the case, realize that no one deserves to be subjected to this kind of behavior.
Unfortunately, just before you take your first step on the righteous journey to pursue your dreams, people around you, even the ones who deeply care for you, will give you awful advice. It’s not because they have evil intentions. It’s because they don’t understand the big picture—what your dreams, passions, and life goals mean to you. They don’t understand that, to you, the reward is worth the risk.
So they try to protect you by shielding you from the possibility of failure, which, in effect, also shields you from the possibility of making your dreams a reality.
As our friend Steve Jobs says:
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice, heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
Here are ten ill-advised tips (lies) people will likely tell you when you decide to pursue your dreams and the reasons why they are dreadfully mistaken:
1. You can follow your dreams someday, but right now you need to buckle down and be responsible.
Someday? When is ”someday”? “Someday” is not a day at all. It’s a foggy generalization of a time that will likely never come. Today is the only day guaranteed to you. Today is the only day you can begin to make a difference in your life. And pursuing your dreams is what life is all about. So don’t be irresponsible. Don’t wait until “someday.” Make today the first day of the rest of your new life.
2. You’re totally screwed if it doesn’t work out.
Wrong! This is a giant, lame load of BS. You’re not even close to being screwed. In fact, the worst case scenario is that things don’t work out and you have to go back to doing exactly what you are doing right now.
3. It’s safer to stay at your day job.
Sure, I suppose. But you know what’s even safer than that? Going home, locking yourself in your bedroom, and never, ever coming out. And just like that, you will have flushed your entire life and your dreams down the toilet. Remember, safer doesn’t always mean better.
4. That’s impossible!
It’s only impossible if you never do anything about it. The reason certain things seem impossible is simply because nobody has achieved them yet. But this doesn’t mean that with your help these things won’t become possible in the future. If you truly dedicate yourself to an end result, almost anything is possible. You just have to want it bad enough.
5. Only a lucky few “make it.”
That’s because those lucky few got off their rear ends and did something about it! They had the drive, determination, and willpower that you have right now. You can be one of them. It’s up to you, and only you.
Here. Yes here, sit right here, in this little box. Your chair has wheels on it so you can scoot from one side of your box to the other. Perfect. Sure, go ahead, decorate your little box, make it your own, settle in. Use this box to avoid the sun. Come in here every day just as the sun rises, and stay here, safe, secure, until the sun goes down. Then return to your own life. Go back to your home and tune in to your own life. YOUR OWN LIFE. The one that takes place thousands of miles away in stadiums, studios, and servers. The one that doesn’t even know you exist.
Multiply by forty years.
2.5 kids, a beautiful wife, a dog, a house, two cars, a timeshare, and a great big 72-inch screen in your living room. You earned it. You put in your time so that you could purchase those extra channels, pull the trigger on that music festival, buy that ring, pay for that trip, neuter that mutt, afford that stroller, tip those cleaners, replace those gutters, rotate those tires, fix that fence…. pay that bill… pay that bill… pay that bill…
Isn’t there something missing here? What happened to dreams? What happened to aspirations and goals and hopes? I’m not talking about world peace here either. I’m just asking why no one around me is pursuing the life they actually want for themselves. Why is everyone fake-laughing? That joke was not, is not, and will never be funny to anyone in this conference room so why did everyone just laugh?
Real business is judgment. Judgment is figuring out who the hell the person you are talking to actually is. So why is everyone dressing up in costumes in order to interact in a professional setting? I want to see how you present yourself. Don’t dress for your job, dress for the job you want? I’d rather dress like my job does not dictate how I dress… I am who I present myself to you as, through and through, now lets talk business.
Don’t get me wrong being an upstanding member of society and raising a decent family is incredibly honorable (and apparently hard enough as is) but what about YOU? What happened to the thing you knew you could do every day for the rest of your life without a paycheck and still be happy? What happened to the grand scheme to turn that thing into a paycheck?
It didn’t go anywhere, you did.
By Michael Lee
Number 1 – They Think, Say, & Do Negative Things.
Yup. They see problems in every opportunity.
They complain that the sun is too hot. They cursed the rain for ruining their plans for the day. They blame the wind for ruining their hair.
They think that everyone is against them. They see the problems but never the solutions.
Every little bit of difficulty is exaggerated to the point of tragedy. They regard failures as catastrophes. They become discouraged easily instead of learning from their mistakes.
They never seem to move forward because they’re always afraid to come out of their comfort zones.
Number 2 – They Act Before They Think.
They move based on instinct or impulse. If they see something they like, they buy at once without any second thought.
Then they see something better. They regret & curse for not able to take advantage of the bargain.
Then they spend & spend again until nothing’s left. They don’t think about the future. What they’re after is the pleasure they will experience at present.
They don’t think about the consequences. Those who engage in unsafe sex, criminality, and the like are included in this group.
by Nick Notas
When I began coaching, I expected people to come to me with all sorts of problems.
But I never expected so many to tell me, “Nick, I feel totally stuck. I’ve tried everything but I just don’t have what it takes. My life is hopeless, so why should I bother trying?”
These people feel completely helpless in their lives. They feel like they have no control over achieving their goals or finding fulfillment.
The first time I heard this, it hit me hard. Because I remember how trapped and powerless I felt years ago.
In the span of months, my dad had a heart attack and was forced to close our family restaurant. I had to drop out of college to support my family. My friends all moved to colleges out of state and my social circle disappeared. Then my girlfriend of two years dumped me.
It seemed like there was nothing I could do to stop the shit storm. I believed I was destined for unhappiness.
So I blamed myself. I blamed others. I wallowed in self-pity. For a long time, I did nothing and nothing changed.
I was experiencing a mindset called learned helplessness. And it kept me miserable and from getting what I wanted out of life.
What does it feel like to be wrongly convicted
I was wrongly convicted of murdering my wife. I recall that first night in jail. It was not unlike being punched in the face. I was stunned, numb, and not sure of what lay before me. All personal control had been yanked away. What I wore, what I ate, where I slept, and where I could not go were all dictated by the State. In that situation, the absolute power of government becomes blatant, coercive, Orwellian.
The first few months of prison life are about adaptation. It’s a different society, a subculture of power — physical, emotional, and spiritual. There are simple rules. Obey and internalize those rules and you’ll get by.
As the years pile up, feigned apathy becomes your outward mask. But on the inside, anger and bitterness consume you. Revenge occupies your so-called free moments. At other odd times, you fantasize about living a normal life… or escaping to a tropical paradise… or dying in prison. You imagine building houses, establishing relationships with the opposite sex, or burning down the houses and the relationships of your enemies.
But as the decades accrue, an acceptance and an understanding of life creep in. If you’re lucky, you become calmer, more relaxed, more sure. You see the value of faith, hope, and of course, love. You come to appreciate pure things, like the behavior of animals and the joy of small children. It sounds cliche and almost banal, but time wears a man down.
In the end, if you are lucky, you see that our trials are what improve us. And if you are very lucky and somewhat insightful, you see that whatever your trial has been, it is exactly what you needed. Our trials make us who we are.