Caveman Circus

My ex-husband and I are divorced and both have new partners. Our daughter is 19 and lives with him. She has been spending time with his partner for almost a year, and they planned a trip together. My ex-husband is not involved.

I know our daughter is an adult and that there are no safety concerns. Rationally, I understand that. Emotionally, though, I’m really struggling with the idea of my daughter traveling with my ex’s partner. It brings up a lot of pain and feelings I don’t feel proud of.

I have already talked to my daughter and told her honestly that the situation hurts me, but that I accept that she wants to go on the trip. I didn’t ask her to cancel it, because I didn’t want to put her in the position of having to choose between her own plans and my feelings.

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I (23F) was invited to my friend’s (23F) wedding about 10 months ago. We’ve been friends for over 10 years, so I was really excited for her and RSVPd yes. The wedding was in my hometown during my winter break from college, so I assumed I’d be able to attend.

Recently, though, I’ve been seriously investing in my acting career. I’ve been working hard for months and was offered a workshop with casting directors the same weekend as her wedding. Her ceremony was Friday afternoon, and I saw the workshop as a make-or-break opportunity for my career.

About a week before the wedding, I told her I was so sorry but wouldn’t be able to attend. I said I’d try to stop by that morning before the ceremony. She seemed disappointed but understanding at the time, so I thought everything was okay. I visited the morning of the wedding, congratulated her, and told her how happy I was for her. The maid of honor and a bridesman—both close friends of about 10 years—asked why I couldn’t stay, and I explained I had a work-related workshop out of town.

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I went on a first date Friday night with a girl at an expensive restaurant. The conversation was good—lots of laughs, she told me I was funny, asked about my family, and talked about wanting kids. It felt like there was a connection.

But some things felt off. She checked her phone constantly and said her dad was in the hospital and she was texting her sister. She also kept looking toward the entrance like she didn’t want to be seen. She mentioned she’s had unhealthy relationships.

After dinner I suggested drinks nearby, but she said she might need to go see her dad and had to leave. We exchanged numbers and she texted “hello” right away. She hugged me goodbye and said we should plan something fun next time. I told her to text me when she got home.

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I (33F, turning 34 next month) have been dating my boyfriend (34M) for nearly three years, with our anniversary coming up in September. We’ve lived together for almost a year and have been in couples therapy for about the same amount of time. While things are stable—we both have good jobs, are financially secure, and have built a life together—I’m struggling with one big uncertainty: marriage.

[Read more…] about “Does my boyfriend want to marry me?”