Starting college can be stressful enough without a crazy roommate. Unfortunately for a couple of incoming UCLA freshmen, a series of ridiculously demanding emails from their new dorm mate seem to suggest that they didn’t get so lucky when it came to room assignments.
Winnie Chen and Gustinna Tun are prepared to start the school year, but weeks before they move in, the two girls received a series of emails from their third roommate. The first email was a simple request for the three girls to chat about move-in day. But when Chen and Tun didn’t respond within 48 hours, the roommate, called Ashly on Tun’s email, replies with the following:
By: Andy Weir
You were on your way home when you died.
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.
And that’s when you met me.
“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”
“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.
“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”
“Yup,” I said.
“I… I died?”
“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”
“More or less,” I said.
“Are you god?” You asked.
“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”
“My kids… my wife,” you said.
“What about them?”
“Will they be all right?”
“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”
Bigger isn’t always better. Just ask Roberto Esquivel Cabrera, the not-so-proud owner of likely the world’s largest penis. According to Cabrera, his penis is such a drag, he considers himself disabled and thinks the government should, too. The 52-year-old argues his 19-inch-long, 10-inch-thick dick impedes his ability to work, have sex and generally lead a normal life.
Roberto Esquivel Cabrera of Saltillo told Mexican newspaper Vanguardia that he would like to be considered disabled because the member leaves him unable to work, forcing him to live on assistance and scavenge for food.
His social life is dismal as well, he says. Women are too scared to be with him, according to the newspaper.
His penis is reportedly 48.2 centimeters (nearly 19 inches) long and the tip’s circumference is 25 centimeters (nearly 10 inches). Cabrera apparently provided doubters with a medical imaging photo of his penis, and the picture has rapidly circulated through Spanish-language media, including Telemundo and La Opinion.
The twins were born three months prematurely and Peder did not get enough oxygen during the birth. As a consequence he suffers from severe cerebral palsy, is bound to a wheelchair and requires 24 hour assistance.
Peder quickly decided not to let his handicap dictate his life or limit his opportunities. The brothers have long shared a dream of completing a full Ironman race together.
On the Llano River in Texas stands a line of houses testament to a 20-year friendship.
Four couples decided that the suburban grind was getting in the way of what matters most in life—friends and family. Although they lived in the same town, they felt being scattered throughout subdivisions and living the daily routine of “business as usual” was becoming a major hindrance in cherishing their life long friendship. They all got together and started talking. The Tiny House movement was giving people of no particular affluence the opportunity to live a wealthy life—that is a life lived on their own terms. So they decided to build “Bestie Row” where they could all grow grey in style.
Thomas Neil Rodriguez adopted a mixed-breed puppy from an animal shelter in 1999. Fifteen years later, the loving dog owner learned his beloved pet Poh had several terminal health problems and would not live much longer. So Rodriguez decided to give his loyal pal the trip of a lifetime.
Poh, Rodriguez, and his fiancee took to the road for seven weeks, visiting 35 cities and traveling over 12,000 miles. They set off from their home in New York City for California so the water-loving dog could swim in the Pacific Ocean. And along the way, Poh got to see dozens of famous landmarks in Texas, Oregon, Arizona, and more.
Although Rodriguez was worried Poh wouldn’t make it through the first two weeks, the pup got to enjoy every bit of the adventure and document every stop on his own Instagram account.
Poh is back on the East Coast now, but still going on adventures. During Memorial Day weekend, the pup got to see Coney Island for the first time. Says Rodriguez, “I am super blessed that I have actually gotten to do this … People think I take care of Poh, but Poh takes care of me.”
Poh enjoying the lights of Time Square
When I was 17 my girlfriend at the time was finally ready to have sex. I, as one might expect of a 17 year old, was excited. Neither hell nor high water was going to stand between me and my final destination.
I get ready for the night, trim everything up, shower extra well. Unfortunately there was also an issue. I have a digestional disorder that sometimes cause my shiet to become large and quite solid while still inside me. I wasn’t aware it was a treatable problem and, in fact, just thought everyone had to deal with the equivalent of anal kidney stones. I bring this up because I had a mighty one which had been loaded into the gun for several days.
Let me set the scene. Her parents are away. We have her house to ourselves. She was always a little kinky so she demands we do it in her parents bed. I walk in to a candle holocaust. She’s been working on this all day apparently, and its as bright as high noon in there with the lights off. Which is good, because she proceeds to do a sweet, sexy little dance for me. At 16, she was AMAZING. For those of you who never experienced a female at that age, I pity the fool.
Now I’m sitting on the bed, watching this dance. I smile and tell her how good she looks. Unfortunately, most of my attention is focused on the dull throbbing from my sphincter and the large amount of intestinal discomfort associated with not dropping duce in days. But somehow I still get hard and we go to town. She starts out on top, then we switch. I bend her over the bed, and I even smack her ass (a ballsy move at the time, but she loved it). Due to my built up distraction, I last for what seems like FOREVER. She can’t stop moaning and telling me how good it feels, and then she says what every man wants to hear “I want to make you cum in my mouth.” I fu*king love women.
So she goes down on me. She was always average at best in the head department but at least she tried. She pops my cock out of her mouth long enough to look up at me and say “tell me if you like this”. Then I feel it.
Telegraph – A British Airways flight to Dubai was forced to return to Heathrow Airport when a “smelly poo in the toilet” became unbearable for passengers.
The pilot announced that the long haul flight had to be aborted, after cabin crew were unable to prevent the pungent odour emanating from an overflowing toilet.
Around 30 minutes in the seven-hour flight, the plane returned to London amid health and safety concerns.
Hertsmere councillor Abhishek Sachdev, who represents Potters Bar Parkfield was on the plane and said it was “insane” that passengers had to wait 15 hours for another flight due to a “smelly poo in the toilet”.
He told Mail Online: “The pilot made an announcement requesting senior cabin crew, and we knew something was a bit odd. “About 10 minutes later he said you may have noticed there’s a quite pungent smell coming from one of the toilets.”
Mr Sachdev, who was not seated near the toilet in question, said: “He said it was liquid faecal excrement, those are the words he used. “He said it’s not a technical fault with the plane, and he was very adamant about that.”
The captain said the plane’s crew had investigated the problem, but were unable to fix it, so the plane would need to return to London for health and safety reasons.
I would be so proud if I were the pooper. I’d have lifetime bragging right and It would be an awesome story to tell the grandkids. “Gather round children, there was one time when your old granddad took a dump so wretched, it brought down a freaking plane!" Legends of my sh*t will be passed down from generation to generation.